The Miles Between Us
by Blame Blam
Summary: Sam starts to act weird when Blaine gets a new boyfriend. Soon Blaine finds out why and their relationships shifts. But can their romance work when neither of them is truly ready to settle down? When jealousy, self-destruction and pretty much everything else stands in their way? [Pairings and warnings inside.]
1. Part 1,1

I promised you another angsty Blam FF, so here we go! Yey!

_Summary_: Sam starts to act weird when Blaine gets a new boyfriend. Soon Blaine finds out why and their relationships shifts. But can their romance work when neither of them is truly ready to settle down? When jealousy, self-destruction and pretty much everything else stand in their way?

_Pairings_ (written out or mentioned): Bladam, Samchel, Blam, Kelliot... and someone for Marley^^

_Warnings_: Original Characters; drug abuse (actually I think I need to **trigger warn** this!); (bi) sexuality issues; body issuses & anorexia (**tw**); psychological distress; angst in general.

* * *

><p><strong>The Miles Between Us<strong>

October 2014

Blaine wiped his face with a towel and stayed back as the other members of 'Adam's Apples' strolled out of NYADA's auditorium. Marley threw him a questioning glance but he waved her to go on. He had told her what he planned to do after today's Glee club practise so she really didn't have to look as surprised as she did. Or was it supposed to be impressed? But it wasn't like Blaine never went through with his plans. He was a second year student now and he had to be a good role model for the newbies (a.k.a. Marley and some strangers he didn't care about). And he had been through more than enough shit last year. But it was over, a fresh school year had begun and the new Blaine wasn't afraid of risks!

He gathered his courage (something that had been lost during the last years with Kurt) and stepped to Adam, who checked a speaker that had made some weird noises.

"Hey! So… I was wondering…" Blaine began.

"I hope it wasn't too exhausting", Adam said in all sincerity.

"What?"

"The wondering, I hope… Never mind. What's up?" Adam turned his attention fully towards Blaine.

"Well…" Straight forwards now, Blaine! "Do go want to get a coffee some time?"

Adam frowned and tilted his head. "As in…?"

"As in a date."

"Oh. Uhm…"

"If you have a boyfriend just tell me and I'm backing out", Blaine quickly said and immediately regretted it. The new Blaine didn't apologise for his actions before knowing if it would be appreciated or not!

"No, I don't. " Adam studied Blaine curiously. "Very forthright. I like it."

"Is that a yes?"

Finally a smile appeared on Adam's face and he nodded. "Yes. Why not."

"Not quite the enthusiastic answer I was hoping to get but I take it", Blaine grinned. "Friday eight o'clock?"

"Sure."

Only when Blaine had left the auditorium did he allow himself a little victory dance.

"So I figured he said yes? Unless you're really into getting rejected", a voice came from the side. Blaine jerked around.

"Marley! You frightened me!"

Marley waved it off and they started walking towards the exit doors.

"But yeah, he agreed. I have a date on Fridaaay!"

"Oh, that's so great! Now you can move on from Kurt for real!"

"I already have, Marley. Just because I haven't dated since January…"

"Not January, the official break-up was in June."

"No, I count January because that's when we agreed to take a break, Kurt moved out and we haven't talked to each other since except for those three weeks in June during our 'let's try it again' vacation in Rome that Kurt spend mostly looking at Italian men and I spent it tasting all European ice cream sorts there are."

"You didn't glance once at the Italian men, too?"

"No, I was drowning in self-pity. But as I said. I moved on and now it's October and I'm _so_ ready to date again."

"So is Adam your rebound guy or have you been secretly in love with him all of last year…?"

"I just think he's cute. His British accent is hilarious, don't you think?"

Marley nodded. "Though I'm more into though guys. Like this boy in my 'Dance for Beginners' class? He's _so_ hot."

"Uh, Marley! You should ask him out. New school, new city, new _life_! That's good, right?"

Giggling they left the building. Alone the fact that Blaine hadn't meet Sebastian Smythe today made the day a successful one. He honestly didn't know why his former Dalton peer had gotten into NYADA but since Blaine couldn't imagine Carmen Tibideaux was corruptible he must've had something that made him good enough for this school.

* * *

><p>"Don't make any plans on Friday", Sam said as Blaine entered the kitchen.<p>

"Too late. Why?"

"Santana called and ordered me to bring you to a 'Pamela Lansbury' gig. She said she needs to see with her own eyes that you still exist."

Blaine rolled his eyes and scanned the fridge for food.

"She knows I'm avoiding them because of Kurt."

"She says this excuse lost its validity after six months."

"It's only been four months."

"She counts from January."

"Well, the official break-up was in June." Blaine took a plate with pasta and put it into the microwave. While he waited he sat down opposite to Sam on the table and tried to look at the book his roommate was reading. But he held it down so the title wasn't to be seen.

"Apparently Kurt tells everyone it has been January", Sam said

Blaine sighed. "Yeah, well, mostly I'm thinking that, too."

"So will you come?"

"No, I have a date on Friday. And no, I can't bring him. It's Kurt's ex."

Blaine shrugged. He had thought about whether it was weird if he went out with Adam. But if Kurt never knew, and Adam too, then everything would be good, wouldn't it? And if it turned out to be the love of his life and they'd marry then Kurt would forgive him. Probably.

"You're… dating Kurt's ex?" Sam raised his eyebrows.

Blaine shrugged again and went to get his warmed up food. When he sat back Sam was still looking at him.

"What? It's not that bad, is it?"

"As long as you don't use him to get back at Kurt."

"You know I wouldn't do something like that."

Sam exhaled and directed his eyes at his book again. In doing so he said: "So you're ready to date again."

"Yeah. It's been long enough."

Blaine started eating. For a few minutes it was quiet, then his eyes fell on the book Sam was reading and he choked on his noodles. Blaine coughed and got up to get a glass of water.

When he had calmed down he sat down again and frowned at Sam.

"'_The best weigh loss strategies'_, Sam? What is this about?"

"About my career, obviously. I'm not going anywhere if I'm not willing to work! Look at all my friends. Look at Rachel! She's almost famous. Do you think she'd want a boyfriend who is, like, less than nobody? I'm still modelling for medical ads or hairdresser books! Not even the neighbour's dog knows who I am!"

"Because dogs don't read magazines…?"

"My downfall started last year when you talked me out of working for Bichette. That was my mistake. The biggest mistake of my life."

"Oh, come on, you're exaggerating. Bichette is a cruel woman. You don't consider actually working for her, do you? Have you talked with Rachel about this?"

"Why would I, it's my business."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "I think I will never understand what is going on between you two. You've been together for, what, four months last year? Why did you even break up when you still… get intimate from time to time?"

"It's called friends with benefits, Blaine."

"But you obviously still have feelings for her and I don't think Rachel –"

"Can we stop talking about that now? You sound like Kurt. I could just ask the same, couldn't I? Why did you two break up when you obviously are like twins?"

Blaine rolled his eyes but didn't push it and took up his fork again. After a few moments of silence Sam said: "Anyway, I like being free and going on dates with different girls. And this is what I need money for, too. I mean I can barely pay the rent…"

"But you can."

"…and I hate it when girls pay for the dates. How can I ever score if they take pity on me?"

Blaine shrugged. He had offered Sam to pay the whole rent often enough. His parents send him monthly allowances that would cover it without problems. Back when Sam had lived in the loft with Rachel and Santana it hadn't been an issue but when Kurt had moved out here last January and changed living situations with Sam money had started to get tight for him. Well, the apartment was in Manhattan, that would explain the higher rent. But Sam was too stubborn to accept Blaine's offer.

"And about Bichette…?"

"That's my business", Sam mumbled without looking up. Blaine frowned and was about to say no, it wasn't. But he saw how Sam started at the book, his eyes not moving and his jaw pressed together so Blaine let it go. Maybe they could talk about it in a better spirited moment. He had told Sam more than once that he was good enough and a great human being but apparently it was time for another reminder.

* * *

><p>New York on a golden October's evening was awesome. The air was pleasantly warm so that Blaine didn't need to wear a jacket. He and Adam went to a Paris bistro far away from the Broadway (where the <em>Spotlight Diner<em> was), ate Croissants and tried to speak with French accents. Adam's French with his British accent sounded hilarious and Blaine laughed the whole evening.

It felt like the start of something good. And since he didn't want to rush into things they parted even without a goodnight kiss.

Maybe that had made the wrong impression, though? Now Adam might think Blaine wanted to be just friends…? Blaine chewed on his lip as he was in the lift upstairs. The apartment was in the thirteenth floor, something Sam had freaked out about in the beginning. But after a few months Blaine had been able to convince Sam that thirteen was a lucky number so they were good now.

With a soft _bling_ the lift stopped at the ninth floor and the Presley twins – twelve years old prats – from next door entered. Blaine silently sighed and hoped they'd ignore him. He wasn't in the mood to preach children right now. They had toy cars in their hands and eyed Blaine but he kept his gaze fixated on the electric display that told him they were going up.

The doors opened at the thirteenth floor. One of the twins said "Mr Anderson is gay!" and they ran out giggling. Blaine rolled his eyes and got out his keys.

"Oh shit. You're back already?"

"Nice to see you, too", Blaine said as he threw his keys into the bowl on the cupboard next to the door. Sam's head vanished from his bedroom door. Blaine went to the kitchen to get something to drink. He stretched his arms and sighed as he looked out of the window, down at the blinking city lights.

"It's eleven." Sam came to the kitchen, wearing a red bath robe.

"Didn't you want to go to Pamela Lansbury?"

"I was. I met someone there and now we're here."

"Oh. Rachel?"

"No. Someone from work. You don't know him."

Blaine lifted his eyebrows. "Him? I thought you were over that phase?"

"I am. It just happened." Sam took two apples from the fruit bowl and grasped a water bottle with that he pointed at Blaine.

"You're not allowed to judge. We talked about weight loss stuff and then he said sex burns more calories than running. So…" Sam shrugged.

Blaine laughed. "Yeah, wow, romantic. Let's have sex to burn calories."

"I said you're not allowed to judge! How did it go with Adam?"

"Good. Very good." Blaine smiled and thought back at how they had walked along the Hudson (okay not very romantic but a river is a river) to look for bistros.

"Yeah? Kurt didn't come up?"

"No, Sam, why would he? I told you it's not like that!"

Sam lifted his eyebrows in a doubting expression, then left the kitchen. Blaine frowned after him. Why would Sam assume something like that? He knew that's not Blaine's style. Blaine wanted to find love and happiness in his life, not get back on people who have treated him badly and ignored his needs and…

Well, okay, maybe he still was angry at Kurt. But that didn't mean he used Adam to get his revenge. And what poor revenge would that made, anyway? Sure neither Kurt nor Adam would mind if they knew the truth.

Although… Blaine wouldn't rub it into their faces or anything. No… let's wait and see how things with Adam would turn out.

* * *

><p>In one point Blaine agreed with Sam: It was good to work for your career. He had lost too much time beating himself up over guys but this year things would be different. He'd audition for some plays out of school. He wanted to get a foot on the Broadway stage, just like Rachel. People had recognised her on the streets a few times already and Blaine wanted this, too. She was his idol, although he'd never tell her that. She was perfect in every sense of the word and Blaine didn't know whether in an alternative Universe he'd rather want to be her or would be in love with her. This of course was something he would never tell Sam.<p>

Blaine stopped at the bill-board and looked for auditions.

"The new Blaine will be successful", he said to Marley.

"Oh. Okay. The new Marley, too."

Blaine narrowed his eyes. "Are you copying me?"

"It's a human need to evolve and change. So yes… and no. I'm going my own way. I'm not going for the big shows but for…" She picked a paper and showed it to Blaine.

"You want to give your voice to a Disney princess in the upcoming Christmas movie?"

"Yes. That's perfect for me."

Blaine shrugged. "It kind of is. Well, and this is for me!" He took an ad for Broadway's '_Mona Lisa'_. It was a complete new show and he didn't really know what it would be about since it was named after a painting but it was worth checking it out.

"By the way, have you asked out that boy from your class?" Blaine asked. He secretly had thought one of the new boys from 'Adam's Apples' – who was really quite, reminded Blaine of Ryder Lynn from McKinley and whose name he had forgotten – would be good for Marley but who was he to question her wishes?

"No. He's too cool for me", she sighed.

"Oh, don't say that! That's not what the new Marley would think, right? She'd be straight forward and ask him out! Have courage!" Blaine patted her shoulder so she put her chin into the air.

"You are right! I'm not the cute innocent girl from high school anymore. I'm not afraid of risks, just like you! I will go and ask, no, demand a date from Hunter Clarington!"

"Hunter – what? Clarington? As in… former Warbler president?"

"How would I know?"

"Oh my – no, Marley, I take everything back. Don't ask him out, he's one of the bad guys!"

"That's pretty judgemental of you, seeing you're dating your ex's ex. No, I will do it. Yup." Marley nodded and walked away more determined than ever.

Oh crap. If that wouldn't turn out catastrophically.


	2. Part 1,2

thaaank you!

* * *

><p>November 2014<p>

"So… when will you tell Kurt?"

"I told you that's not why I'm dating Adam."

Sam didn't answer. He sat on the couch with a magazine and some health shake in his hand, not even looking up while Blaine adjusted his bowtie. He had wanted to get an opinion of how he looked in his tux but Sam hadn't cared to answer that question.

"Well, okay then. When will you introduce him to me?"

Blaine frowned. "Who are you, my mother?"

"I'm your roommate, Blaine. I'm your significant other as long as you don't choose to live with Adam."

Blaine snorted. "Oh, yeah, that's how it is?"

"Yes." Sam put the magazine aside and drank from his shake.

"Well, then tell me how I look!"

"Where are you going?"

"To see the premiere '_Mona Lisa_'. Remember when I said I almost got the part and then I didn't? As a consolation they gave me a few free tickets."

"What is it about?"

"The tragic life story of Leonardo da Vinci. It's going to be a big thing according to Rachel."

"You know what, I want to see that, too! I'm ready in a minute."

Sam jumped up and left the room, leaving Blaine with a confused expression on his face. When he finally could think again he went to Sam's room.

"I didn't… you can't come, Sam. I'm going with Adam as a date."

"I won't interrupt and after the show I'm gone immediately, I promise!" Sam stood in his boxers in front of his cupboard and went through the suit section. Blaine had to give Sam credit for having become tidier – at least when it came to his clothes.

But what worried Blaine was that Sam's ribs were clearly to be seen.

"Sam, you look thin", he said.

"Thank you." Sam got into trousers and a shirt in almost no time.

"That was not a compliment." Blaine went further into the room and looked around. He hadn't been in here for some time. Many magazines about fashion were lying around, not one comic book to be seen. Or other nerdy stuff. On the wall hang posters of famous models, both male and female. The bed wasn't made, on the desk stood a lot of hygienic articles like hair products, cologne and body oil, and on the ground lay a pair of dumb bells.

Sam grabbed a brush from the bedside table and went through his hair that he wore shorter than last year but not as short as it used to be.

"You want to choose a tie or bowtie for me?" he asked.

Blaine sighed and gave in. If Sam got an idea on his mind he wouldn't back out soon. Blaine went to his cupboard and started to browse through the accessory section.

* * *

><p>"Oh… hello?" Adam was surprised to see Sam, it was easy to tell. Sam just shook his hand and introduced himself while Blaine explained with a quiet voice.<p>

"He absolutely wanted to come, I couldn't stop him. I'm sorry."

"No, that's totally okay… I think. Who is it?"

"My roommate."

"Ah. The roommate. As long as he isn't secretly in love with you and trying to break us up I'm okay with it… this one time."

Blaine laughed and nudged Adam's arm. "Thanks. We'll get rid of him later."

Sam behaved as badly as he could and Blaine wondered if he did it because he thought Blaine was using Adam to get back to Kurt or because he needed to compensate for his self-consciousness regarding his work. He actually settled down between Blaine and Adam, talked to both during the show and when they came out of the theatre he rubbed his hands and asked where they'd go to take a bite.

Blaine took him aside and spoke under his breath.

"Sam, remember, this is a date for Adam and me. And you said you'd leave after the show?"

"Doesn't he like me?"

"We're on a _date_."

Sam chewed on his lip and looked to Adam who stood a few feet away with his hands in his pockets, looking like a cute English gentleman.

"But why him, Blaine? Of all people in NYADA you could've chosen. Why him?"

Blaine shrugged. "It's not how you think it is."

"Yes, it is."

Sam sounded so sure that Blaine just looked startled at him, not able to protest. Sam eventually left them alone but Blaine couldn't stop wondering whether he was right. Did Blaine only date Adam as a late revenge on Kurt? Did the fact that he was Kurt's ex make it impossible for them to become something because it would stand in their way? Blaine could find out by telling Adam and asking if he was okay with it but… nah. Not tonight.

* * *

><p>Marley frowned as Blaine told her about his weekend during lunch the next day.<p>

"Sam came to your date with Adam?"

"Do you, too, think I'm using Adam to 'get back' at Kurt?"

"Even if you were that'd be none of Sam's business. Don't you think that was strange?"

Blaine shrugged. "No, I mean… Sam can be… If he gets something into his head he has a hard time letting it go. And he feels protective of me. That's kind of normal for a best friend, isn't it?"

"It's certainly not normal to interrupt their dates and actually sit between the couple", Marley said with another frown.

"So, hey, you haven't told me how things with Hunter went", Blaine said. It worked, Marley was distracted. He didn't want to think about Sam right now. Not that Blaine still wanted anything even remotely romantic from his best friend but last year when Sam had entered his 'bi-phase', as he put it, Blaine had been secretly but seriously offended that Sam didn't have thought about at least trying something back in high school while Blaine had been crushing on him.

But it had been for the best, really. They'd only destroyed their friendship if they had experimented or anything.

He listened to Marley, who hadn't dared to ask out Hunter and comforted her.

"Look, maybe it shouldn't have been. What do you think about Seth Gilbert?"

"Who?"

"That guy from 'Adam's Apples'."

Marley shook her head. "I don't know who you're talking about. Anyway, I can't just back out when things get rough! That's so old Marley!"

Blaine sighed, and Marley turned to him.

"Do you have my back on this or not?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good."

* * *

><p>December 2014<p>

A few weeks later Blaine rushed home from NYADA. In his class 'Music Video Editing' they had started a new project that consisted of, well, making a music video. They had split into different groups. Blaine's group had quickly agreed on a premise and now was in need of people who were willing to dance half-naked in front of the camera. Blaine had immediately thought of Sam and showed the group a picture of him. They had agreed, so Blaine rushed home in the middle of the day to ask Sam if he wanted the job and to get some of his private clothes he'd need. His fellow students were busy finding more models, gathering supplies and looking for a shooting location. They'd call Blaine where to meet them as soon if they had found one.

Already on the hallway he heard loud music coming out of their apartment. Mrs Presley hammered against the door when Blaine arrived with his keys in the hands.

"Could you please tell your roommate to turn it down? I have a baby!"

"Of course I will. I'm so sorry", Blaine said. She gave him an angry look and went back to her apartment.

Honestly, Blaine had never wondered what Sam did when he didn't have a daytime job. But he couldn't interrupt something important, right?

"SAM?"

Blaine closed the door, put his key in the bowl and went to Sam's room. He knocked as loud as he could but when no answer came he pressed down the door knob and went into the dim room.

He saw a blonde head lying on the bed, face turned to the wall. No reaction to his entering, probably because it had gone unnoticed. Blaine went to the music player and turned it off, then faced the bed with crossed arms.

"What on earth, Sam?"

"Wha- Blaine? What are you doing here?"

Sam rubbed his eyes and looked over his shoulder. Blaine went to the window and pulled up the venetian blinds to let some sunlight in. It was a miracle that the sun shone in November so why lock it out?

"I need you for something in school", Blaine said. "If you want to."

Sam rolled onto his back and moaned with both hands on his face.

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can you dim the lights, man?"

Blaine frowned. "Do you have a hang-over? But you didn't drink yesterday…"

"I took some pills Danny said are good for speeding up your metabolism. They make me nauseous but as long as it's working…"

"Danny? The guy who's here now and then?"

Sam moaned in response. Blaine went to the desk and looked for pills but didn't find any. His heart raced like crazy as he continued his search. He didn't want Sam to take ominous pills. Or diet until he was skinny like an anorexic. Or have sex with guys that clearly didn't care about him. Why couldn't he just settled down with Rachel and be happy for the rest of his life? Was that too much to ask?

"Where are the pills?"

Sam pulled the blanket over his head. Without thinking Blaine went to the bed, pulled the blanket away and grasped Sam's shirt.

"Where are the damn pills?"

"Stop screaming."

Blaine moved on to the bedside table and pulled open the drawers. "I can't believe you. You can't just take drugs you don't know anything about. This wasn't the first time, was it?"

"Calm down, man!"

"No! Have you forgotten how Finn died? Did that teach you nothing about being careful with substances? Ah!"

Blaine took a white can and opened it. Yes, he had thought right. Before he knew what he was doing he was in the bathroom, flooding them down the toilet.

"You're overreacting. It's nothing bad." Sam leaned on the doorframe, hugging himself. He wore a white washed out shirt, his eyes were red and his hair one big mess.

Blaine held up the empty can. "Promise me you won't take anything anymore."

"Why? It's none of your concern." Sam went to the sink and took his toothbrush.

"Of course it is. You're my friend. My best friend. I don't want to lose you."

Sam snorted. He put toothpaste on his brush, said "you won't" and started brushing his teeth.

Blaine didn't know what to say or even think. He couldn't tell Sam how to treat his own body but he had told him so often now that he was a special, good hearted person who deserved only the best so why, _why_ did Sam not listen to him?

Blaine went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He couldn't go back to school now, that was just…

"What do you want me for, anyway?" Sam came to the kitchen, still not dressed or even shaved for that matter.

"Forget it."

Sam shrugged and went to the fridge. When he took out one of his health shakes Blaine tried to remember when he had last seen Sam eaten something normal, something solid that he had to chew. But Blaine was in school all day long and he certainly didn't observe Sam's eating habit so he couldn't tell.

"What?" Sam asked.

Blaine realised he was staring and looked away. "Nothing. What about your plans to go to Bichette? Is that still on?"

Sam leaned against the closed fridge door and drank a sip.

"You don't understand, Blaine. You're the all talented guy. Whatever is asked of you, you're perfect in it. Singing, dancing, acting, whatever. You're attractive without having to work for it and you fascinate everybody without even talking to them. I'm your dumb sidekick if at all. Nothing has changed since high school, nothing."

"Sam…"

"No, I'm not asking for your pity. I'm just sick of it. I want to be somebody, too. So I'm working on it, and it makes me feel better. Powerful, like I actually have control over my life. I will not die from taking a pill now and then, Blaine, so stop worrying."

Sam sent him a reproachful look and left the kitchen before Blaine could respond. He hadn't known what to say anyhow. They've been down that road before. Several times. Blaine didn't know how to help Sam feel better about himself when he just wouldn't allow it.

His phone buzzed. Blaine knew he had to get back to school but he didn't want to leave Sam alone right now. Maybe he could ask Rachel or Santana if they could come over. But Rachel didn't have time, Blaine didn't even have to ask her, and when it came to Santana he didn't know if she was the best person for this job.

He took the call from his fellow student.

"Listen, I have an emergency with my roommate…"

To say Janine was pissed when she heard Blaine would stay home was an understatement. He just was glad not to have this class with Sebastian, that would've brought on more consequences than a pissed student. At least Janine still had agreed to cover up for him.

Blaine ordered two pizzas along with soda and went through the DVD cupboard in the living room. They hadn't hung out together like that in ages. Maybe not since they've moved to New York. Life was different here, and so much faster. Sam needed a good old fashioned bro hang. Hopefully that would relax him and show him the world wasn't just about getting famous or being rich.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Blaine got the food and put it on the living room table. He started to eat and watch the movie without asking Sam if he wanted to join him. And his plan worked. A few minutes later the Blonde strolled in.<p>

"Who was at the door?"

"The pizza guy." Blaine pointed to the food.

"You want to eat two whole pizzas?"

"I'm hungry."

"What about your school?"

"Oh, they called me and told me I have the day off."

Sam frowned. But he didn't say anything and sat down on the edge of the couch, watching the TV.

"Oh my God! Avatar? I haven't seen that in _ages_!"

"If you ask nicely I let you watch it with me."

"You wish, Anderson. I'm the professional here, I should allow _you_ to watch it."

He leaned back on the couch and grasped a pillow. His eyes switched to the pizzas a few times but he didn't take a piece. So Blaine grabbed another one for himself, slowly taking it from the table to his mouth and moaning as he bit into it.

"Mm! This is so good!"

"Yeah?"

Blaine nodded. Sam couldn't take his eyes off of the pizza and Blaine tried not to smirk.

"I know what you're doing, Blaine."

"Is it working?" Blaine lifted his eyebrows.

Sam watched the TV for a few moments.

"Fuck. I hate you", he eventually said and leaned forward to grab a piece of the pizza.

Blaine just smiled and enjoyed the movie.

* * *

><p>Two hours later Sam's tousled head lay on Blaine's shoulder and Blaine had his arm wound around his friend, his fingers gently browsing through blonde hair. The movie credits were on the screen but none of them made an attempt to move.<p>

"I miss this, you know", Sam quietly said. "The way we were…"

"Yeah. I know what you mean. We see each other every day but we don't do much together anymore. Life has come between us."

Sam lifted his head, grinned and started to sing.

"_You say the world has come between us. Our lives have come between us… But I know you just don't care._"

"Oh my… how _old_ is this song, Sam?"

"_I see you, the only one who knew me. But now your eyes see through me…I guess I was wrong._"

Sam sat up and drummed on his legs. Blaine was glad to see him in a better mood, really, but spontaneous singing? He hadn't done that since high school. Nowadays everything was planned and practised and…

"_So what now? It's plain to see we're over. I hate when things are over… and so much is left undone._"

Blaine shook his head but couldn't suppress a grin. Okay, why not? He joined Sam in the chorus "_And I said, what about, breakfast at Tiffany's_" and ended up dancing through the living room. And giggling. Blaine hadn't laughed that much since he didn't know when. He'd say he felt young again but he wasn't really old.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Have you ordered more food?" Sam asked.

"No. Do you expect someone?"

"Not that I knew of. Let me check my phone…" Sam ran out of the room and Blaine went to the door. He asked via speaker who it was and the answer made his heart fall down to the floor.

"Rachel wrote me she's on her way over", Sam called.

"Yeah", Blaine mumbled. A few minutes later the brunette girl came in.

"Oh, hey, Blaine! I hadn't thought to meet you here at this time. How are things going? How's NYADA? We never see each other there, we should meet up for lunch! Have you found another audition you can go to? Oh, wait…"

She took off her jacket and rummaged in her purse while Blaine closed the door and took a deep breath.

"Here, I saw that today and thought of you. It's a musical about Zombies? Apparently they desperately seek people, no one's auditioning. Oh hey, have you seen the premiere of _Mona Lisa_? How was it?"

Blaine took the flyer she gave him and threw a glance at it. Sam appeared in the hallway. He had changed into a green jumper and jeans, and brushed his hair. Blaine didn't know whether he should feel offended because Sam hadn't felt the need to dress up for Blaine or whether he should feel flattered because Sam felt confident enough around him to wear the clothes he had slept in.

"It was great", he mumbled but Rachel wasn't listening anymore. She kissed Sam on the cheek and asked him if he had eaten.

"Yeah, I have."

"Oh, but do you still want to come to the _Spotlight_? I thought we could grab a bite and observe famous people that come there. Or see if anybody recognises me! That's always fun, isn't it?"

Blaine practically saw Sam's high spirits vanishing into thin air. Now as much as Blaine liked Rachel he couldn't just stand here and watch her disregarding Sam's feelings in terms of glory and fame.

"It may be fun but it's not _important_", Blaine said. "Not everything in life revolves around being famous."

"Oh, Blaine, don't be afraid, you'll soon get a role on Broadway, too. I'm sure of it! You have the voice and don't worry about your shortness. I'm short too and people like me!"

When Sam agreed to go and Rachel went to the living room to wait until he was ready Blaine shook his head.

"But remember the important things in life, Sam."

"That is?"

"That is… is… love."

Sam stared at him for three seconds. Then he broke into a grin.

"Dude, that was deep."

"You know what I mean!"

"Is it also gratitude? And what about food, that's important, too, right?"

"Yes, exactly! Eat something there."

"Do you want me to become fat?"

"If by 'fat' you mean gain the pounds you lost in the last weeks than yes."

Sam rolled his eyes and went to his room. Damn, the good times were over, weren't they?

* * *

><p>AN Song: Breakfast at Tiffanys by Deep Blue Something


	3. Part 1,3

Thanks guys :-)

* * *

><p>'<em>A Zombie Apocalypse'<em> by Jordan River. Why had Blaine not suspected that there was something wrong with it? The auditions were held at a little house in a side street, he almost didn't see it. When he went in things were dim. A secretary was sitting behind a desk and seemed very out of place here.

"Uhm… Am I right for the audition?" Blaine asked.

"For what part?"

"Any part."

"Wait a minute." She got up and vanished through a door. Blaine nodded to encourage himself and glanced around. Empty bookshelves. An armchair that looked like a moths' meal. Maybe all of this was on purpose due to the Zombie theme?

"Okay. You can go in."

She held the door open. One second Blaine considered running away. But it was normal to be afraid before auditions, completely normal. He took a deep breath and went in.

* * *

><p>"A what in a <em>what<em>? Oh dear!"

"You laugh but it's not funny", Blaine complained.

"Zombies as a career starter? Yeah, that's pretty funny", Adam claimed.

Blaine grumbled. Of course he had gotten the main role in the musical because _no one else had auditioned_. They had said they would call him as soon as they had more ensemble. And rooms at Broadway. It could be that they never called but he should not give up hope. Wow. Sounded… great. Just great.

But at least they had given him the script and that's what entertained Adam in this very minute.

"So if there is no one else until now I could audition, too, and they'd take me?"

"I don't know. You're way too cute for a Zombie."

Adam lifted his eyebrows. "There are cute Zombies in this world, Blaine!"

They were at the Paris bistro once again. Outside it was snowing, inside they had a real fireplace with an actual burning fire. Blaine liked that it wasn't very crowded. It was cosy, no comparison at all to the Broadway diner. And the food was really good, too, because the owner was a Frenchman. That stood for something, right?

The bells on the door rang whenever someone went in or out. It wasn't a sound that rang often so Blaine looked up when it did. And almost got a heart attack when he saw Sam entering. His cheeks were red. He pulled the beanie from his head and went his fingers through his hair while looking around. Then he saw Blaine and Adam and came to their small round table.

"Hey. Do you mind?" He pulled chair from another table and sat down on the side.

"Sam…? What… are you doing here?" Blaine asked. He glanced at Adam who frowned. Understandable.

"What do you mean? You wrote me where to find you."

"I wrote you where I was because you asked. But you knew…" Blaine lowered his voice and leaned forward though Adam still could hear everything.

"You knew I'm on a date. This is not cool, Sam."

"Can I?" Sam pointed at a bowl with nuts and took one. He looked around again. "Wow, really great café. We should come here more often."

"What is going on?" Adam asked. "Are you always such a bad friend…?"

"What, me? I'm the best friend ever. Ask Blaine."

But Blaine shook his head. "Right now you're the worst friend ever. I just can't figure out why…"

Sam shrugged. "Rachel wanted to go to the _Spotlight_ again but I knew Kurt was working right now… Oh, hey, did he tell you?"

He looked at Adam who blinked in confusion. Blaine did, too. He couldn't believe his ears. Sam did not… Sam knew that he had _not_ told Adam. _What the hell?_

"What are you talking about?" Adam asked.

"Kurt Hummel. I heard you went out with him as his in between before he went back to Blaine. Wasn't it like that, Blaine?"

Sam popped a nut into his mouth and made big innocent eyes as he looked at Blaine.

"Wow. I never knew you could be such an _ass_", Blaine said.

"Wait, you are _that_ Blaine? Kurt's fiancé Blaine?"

"Uhm. Yeah. I mean no! We are over like almost a year now."

"But… but you knew who I was?"

Blaine sighed and deflated. "Yes."

"What – okaaay. That's weird. That's beyond weird. It's _absurd_."

"Don't be afraid. He didn't do it to get back at Kurt", Sam said. "At least that's what he said."

Adam shook his head and stood up. Slowly he grabbed his jacket and bag.

"I have to admit I feel like a fool. I… need time to think."

He left the bistro and even though his words had been nice enough Blaine knew it was over. Who wouldn't go after a bomb like that? Adam was too nice to scream and make a scene.

But Blaine wasn't. He took a deep breath and slapped Sam as he got up.

"What were you thinking? No, Sam, tell me, because I need to understand how you're character changed from adorable to detrimental overnight."

Blaine waited for an answer. But Sam started at the table, all of a sudden not so talkative anymore.

"Well, then." Blaine shouldered his bag, gestured the waiter that Sam would pay and left the bistro.

If hell had frozen over he wouldn't have been more surprised or shattered. This was so unlike Sam it made Blaine cry. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe Sam had taken more pills. But that wasn't an excuse, Blaine knew it. He just needed a reason for this behaviour or his whole world would collapse around him. He could take everything, every rejection from jobs, every bad grade, every failing of his relationships, as long as he knew Sam was waiting for him at home, ready to comfort Blaine. He was Blaine's safe place, Blaine's spiritual home, so why… what… No! This must be a bad dream, it must!

* * *

><p>The next day – unfortunately a Sunday – Blaine hid in his room like the evening before. He wanted Sam to come to him and apologise. But when he hadn't in the evening Blaine decided to not care whether he met him or not. He went to the kitchen, prepared a meal for himself and listened to noises in the apartment. He knew Sam was here because his keys were in the bowl.<p>

Blaine ate in the kitchen. His appetite vanished after two bites, though. He moved on to the living room but couldn't concentrate on anything here, either. This couldn't go on like that. He needed to be good with Sam but even more so did he want to know _why_ they weren't all of a sudden.

Blaine went slowly to his own room. So slowly it could've called sneaking around actually. But eventually he was in his room, closed the door in a dreamlike state and pulled out his phone.

"Marley, I…" He didn't know what to say about Sam. This still seemed so unreal, so illogical. How… _Why_ would Sam do something like that?

"I'm sorry to disturb your Sunday", he said.

"Blaine, don't apologise every time you call. We're friends, right, and friends call each other. What's going on?"

"I… I think me and Adam are over. I mean it's pretty sure, yeah."

He hadn't heard back from Adam and he couldn't blame him. If it was the other way round and Blaine found out his boyfriend had kept it a secret that he was an ex of Kurt's Blaine wouldn't want to go on seeing them, too.

He told Marley what happened. He glanced at the door every now and then, half expecting Sam to knock and cry how sorry he was.

"That's – oh wow. I'm sorry, Blaine, that's tough."

"Just tell me what I should _do_."

"Is he home?"

"Yes."

"Well, then go and ask him right to his face why he did it. Things can't get worse, can they?"

"Yes, they can if we fight and he says he'll move out or something like that. And just a few days ago we had such a great time! Just the two of us. He said he had missed that so why does he go and… ruin everything now?"

"Maybe… maybe he wants you for himself?"

Blaine snorted. "He could've said that. And it's not like Adam was the one keeping us from spending more time, it's just… life, you know? But we could've… I don't know. Talking is good."

"That's what I'm saying."

Blaine closed his eyes and massaged his temples. She was right, he knew that. But he was so afraid he didn't want to hear what Sam had to say. Maybe he'd been unhappy all this time living with Blaine and was looking for a reason to get thrown out. Maybe he was high all the time and would soon die or… Okay that probably not but who knew?

"You go and talk to him right now and then call me back. If you haven't called in an hour I'm calling to kick your ass."

"Over the phone?"

"Yes."

Blaine sighed. He nodded and drew himself up.

"Okay. I will do that. Alright."

That's how he ended up in front of Sam's door, hand raised to knock. It still took him some long moments before he tapped against the wood.

"Sam, can we…" Blaine cleared his throat and went on more forcefully, not as weak as he had started.

"We need to talk."

"Go away."

Blaine closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry but his heart was lying on the floor already.

"I just want to know what happened. If you have problems I can help you", he said nicer than ever planned but really, what other explanation was there? Sam had stress with his job, that had to be it.

"Just don't exclude me, Sam, I beg you."

The door opened and Sam looked at him out of dark-circled eyes.

"Why are you so nice? I'm the meanest person ever, I don't deserve your kindness."

Blaine shook his head. "I'm sure there is a reason for your behaviour so…If you only _talked_ to me…"

Sam sighed heavily but he stepped aside so that Blaine could enter his room. It was lightened by the desk lamp and from the window came the poor light the day had to offer. Blaine turned around in the middle, crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

"Is it your job? The pills? Something with Rachel? _What?_"

"None of that. It's… nothing, actually. I just had a short circuit reaction and… I know I have many bad characteristics but that was downright mean. I don't know what… came over me I just…" Sam shook his head and drove through his lose strands.

"Did you really think I was using him to get back at Kurt?"

"No, that… no. I don't know."

Sam went to the window and looked out while Blaine couldn't stop shaking his head.

"Please, Sam, whatever it is, you know you can tell me! We still talk to each other, right? Trust each other with everything. Are there for –"

"Blaine!" Sam turned around quickly. His eyes spoke of more pain than Blaine could bear. He wanted to go to Sam but his feet wouldn't move. And Sam seemed distant anyway as he looked aside.

"Look. I have a hard time overcoming it already so don't…"

"Overcoming what?"

Sam shrugged and almost whispered: "My bi-phase. It's longer than I expected."

Blaine narrowed his eyes. So that's where the body was buried? All this time Sam had tried to overcome his bisexuality and seeing Blaine living out his homosexuality was something that made him cringe?

Blaine went one little step closer.

"Sam, maybe it's not a phase, have you considered that? You could be bi for real. For your whole life, I mean."

Sam shook his head.

"My Mum said it's my genes. She went through a phase like that, too, and it was over after a year. I'm struggling with it over two years now so…" He shrugged again.

"Two… Wasn't it last year that you first hooked up with a guy?"

"Yes, but before I already had… feelings."

"Oh. Uhm." Blaine cleared his throat. "As I said… It doesn't have to be the same for you as it was for your mother. People are different."

"It's in my genes", Sam mumbled.

Blaine took a deep breath. Since the desk chair was full of clothes he sat down on the bed and drove a hand over his mouth. He got that Sam was struggling with everything. Just why did he have to act it out on Adam? That still wasn't nice.

"Look, Sam. It's okay if you are unsure about your sexuality. But don't put it on my shoulders if you feel uncomfortable seeing gay people, I mean…"

"It's not about the gayness. I was just…" Sam puckered his lips and turned to the window again. He mumbled something that Blaine didn't understand so he asked for repetition.

"I was jealous, okay? I couldn't… I mean I get that you needed a rebound guy after Kurt. But you didn't… you just… I guess I got stuck in my original fantasy. Crush. Whatever."

Blaine frowned and tried to make sense of Sam's words but they didn't.

"What? You had a crush on… Adam?"

Sam laughed.

"Yeah, right, I've never seen this guy but after Kurt left him I started crushing on him, alright."

"Really?"

"No, silly. I… I had this stupid fantasy that… I don't know when you left Kurt I thought…. I kind of thought we would happen, you know?"

Blaine opened his mouth. And closed it again. What?

Sam let his head hang down and laughed again, rubbing over his eyes.

"Yeah, pathetic, I know." He sighed and finally turned to face Blaine again. "I'm not nourishing any illusions. I know it's just a fantasy. You're way out of my league. I don't even know why you're friends with me and…"

"You – wait! You have feelings for… me?"

Sam shrug-nodded.

"Since when?"

"Since high school?"

"Since – _what?_ Why did you never say anything?"

"Why would I, Blaine? You were head over heels in love with Kurt all the time. I didn't want to interfere. And I mean, it's not like… I mean, do you remember when you asked me if I had feelings for you? Probably not, it was during Guilty Pleasure week when we were leading Glee club and –"

"I remember."

"Anyway, I wasn't aware at this time. It only occurred to me when you told me you wanted to propose to Kurt. And I'm not the kind of person who gets between two lovers. Apart from the fact that you would've chosen Kurt anyway so I saved me a lot of trouble keeping quiet."

"I…" Blaine didn't know what to say. It was true, he would've chosen Kurt at that time. But still… this was _Sam_ they were talking about. He shouldn't have kept hidden everything.

"How painful must it have been for you all the time", he said quietly. "You could've talked to me. We talked about my crush on you, too, so why didn't you just… I don't know, come up and say 'hey Blaine, guess what, tables have turned now'…?"

"Yeah, what would you have done then? Right after you got engaged to Kurt? You'd hated me."

"No, Sam, no." Blaine was on his feet before he knew it, went to Sam and took his hands into his. The Blonde still looked restless and uneasy.

"I would've never hated you. I couldn't. Or now, you could've told me… all this time we were living together…"

"I just… thought it would go away any minute. It's not like I ever thought _'Oh I will wait for Blaine now'_. I had feelings for other persons, okay? I really liked Rachel and I still kind of like her. Just not enough for something real. But it will come in time. She just… needs to give me time", Sam quietly said.

This time Blaine was the one who didn't know what was driving him when he stroked blond strands behind Sam's ear and let his hand rest on Sam's head then. Somewhere back in his mind he knew he should step back and leave right now. Just the thought of Sam having wanted him all the time, after Blaine had wanted him long enough…

The desperate wish to at least taste his lips one time had yielded to reasonable thoughts long ago but now pushed its way to the front of his mind, fists in the air and screaming "I knew I'd win! Don't ever try to hide me away again!"

"What are you doing?" Sam whispered.

"Just…" Blaine gulped and closed his eyes. He shouldn't, he should leave…

But Sam, probably being desperate himself, kept him from leaning back. Their lips met firmly, both of them sighing gutturally. Blaine's hand buried in Sam's waist and he felt fingers painfully clenching his arms but he didn't care. In fact it didn't even feel real. All that mattered was Sam's lips that were pushing against him, tugging, his teeth biting and his tongue seeping in.

Only when the first claim of passion got softer and they separated to take some deep breaths, heart dashing wildly, did Blaine come back to reality. Cold reality. What were they doing? No, what was _he_ doing? Sam just told him he had feelings for him and Blaine went and… oh gosh. He was the truly bad person here!

He stepped back to break the body contact and cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry?_ What?" Sam's eyes almost fell out of his head. His lips were deliciously swollen and Blaine still felt them on his mouth, oh sweet sin.

To not stare at them anymore Blaine put his hands in front of his face. It worked and his brain calmed further down. He turned around and went slowly to the door.

"Oh God, Sam, I'm so sorry. That's not how you react when someone tells you… oh God! I'm the worst person that lives."

"What are you saying?"

Blaine turned around, empathetically looking at Sam's flustered face.

"Because that was some passion there, Blaine. Don't tell me you didn't like it, don't tell me…"

"Sam, stop that right now. We can't… we are best friends. I don't want to lose that."

Sam blinked a few times until his face got all dark. He crossed his arms and puckered his lips so hard they got white.

"Okay, then. Please leave me alone now."

"Sam…"

"I said, leave me alone!"

Sam came to Blaine and pushed him out of the room. The door got shut and then Blaine was alone, completely alone, staring at the wood in front of him, wondering what on earth just had happened.


	4. Part 1,4

Chapter 4

Marley was all ablaze. Blaine had waited until the next day to tell her in person. Now she forgot to eat about the news and goggled at him.

"I've always thought you two would make the cutest couple! Oh, how exciting!"

"Uhm, haven't you listened? We aren't a couple and we never will be; I can't risk our friendship. I need Sam too much… and anyway, I'm not in love. It was stupid, such a stupid reaction!" Blaine hit his own head.

"But haven't you thought about why you reacted like that?"

"I know why, Marley", Blaine said frustrated. "Because I'm the worst friend ever."

"I think you love him."

Blaine rolled his eyes. It looked like he couldn't have serious conversations with Marley. But with whom else could he talk about it? Sam obviously not. Rachel neither, not that Blaine usually talked much to her. Huh, now that he thought about it the amount of close friends he had wasn't very big.

"Will you come to '_Adam's Apples'_ today?" Marley asked.

Blaine frowned at her. "Of course not."

"I'm not saying you should try to get back together with Adam but you will apologise, won't you?"

She had a point but… did Blaine have to apologise in person? He could send a text, right?

Yeah okay…. Maybe not.

Still, it was too fresh yet. He'd wait a few more days before he'd approach Adam. In the meantime he could make up a plan to get things right with Sam.

* * *

><p>Blaine at least expected silence and reproachful glares. That's why he was utterly surprised when Sam talked to him as normal as could've been when Blaine came home.<p>

"Have you seen my red wristwatch? I can't find it", he said on his way to the living room just after Blaine had entered the apartment.

Blaine put his keys away and took off his coat, all while frowning disbelievingly. When he entered the living room Sam had put all the pillows off the couch and was lifting the cushions, now, too.

After a few moments in that his brain was complete empty Blaine decided to say "Maybe it's in your room" even though it felt surreal and wrong to talk about wristwatches right now.

"Where do you think I just looked?" Sam grouched without interrupting his search.

Blaine went a step closer and his brain went empty again. Sam's frantic movements surely didn't mean he really, really loved the missing watch.

Blaine cleared his throat. "Can we, uhm, talk about…"

"Nothing to talk about", Sam said. He put the cushions back on and gathered the pillows from the ground.

"I don't want this to stand between us."

Sam pushed the last pillow on the couch, stood straight and frowned.

"We're good. I mean you didn't have to kiss me if you didn't want to start anything but apart from that we're good. I've lived with the fact that I can never have you long enough and maybe I don't even _want_ you, not really. It's just, you know, a phase. I'll get over it, no reason to cry yourself to sleep at night."

As expected Blaine's heart broke for his friend at hearing this statement. He searched for empathetic words that would ease Sam's pain but before he could formulate anything Sam said: "Stop looking at me like I'm a five year old that just lost his parents. I'm an adult. And my parents still live!"

He nodded for emphasis and left the room. Blaine followed him to the hallway and since he hadn't time to think the silliest thing came out of his mouth.

"Oh come on, Sam! You'd really want to 'start' something? Risk our friendship?"

Already in his door Sam turned around.

"So what you did yesterday wasn't risking our friendship?"

"Okay, first, don't blame only me! You were the one actually… uhm, you know. And second, yes, it was. That's why I'm sorry, that's why I want to talk about it."

Sam snorted. Then he threw the door shut and Blaine was left alone with all his brought up feelings. He wanted to punch Sam for being ignorant, for backing out of the talk, for… everything.

"Okay, then… then… cry in your room!" he said – of course not loud enough for Sam to hear it.

Blaine went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He smeared butter and mustard on a slice of bread and couldn't stop wondering if Sam really meant it. Would he really be willing to, well, date? That was the weirdest thought ever. They had been friends for so long. They had something to lose here and... it just was the worst idea ever!

Suddenly Blaine realised he had smeared jam on his sandwich as well. He cursed and threw it away when the front door slammed. In a knee jerk reaction Blaine ran to it and tore it open.

"Where are you going?!

"Out!" Sam called without turning around or stopping.

"And when will you be back?"

"Late. Don't wait up."

He reached the lifts and pressed the button. One glance to Blaine later he was gone.

Blaine sighed and closed the door. And there it was, the expected tension between them. If Sam would only listen! Couldn't he just let everything go and continue being Blaine's best friend?

* * *

><p>January 2015<p>

On the first day after the winter break Blaine was productive as never before. He got a promising sounding ad from the bill board and managed to catch Adam during lunch. When he first saw him sitting alone in the cafeteria he wanted to hide. But he had intended to say some apologising words for some time now so the fact that Adam's friends weren't here yet was actually a good opportunity.

Blaine went with his tray in his hands to the Blonde, who looked up.

"Hey, listen, Adam… I wanted to say how sorry I am. I know, it doesn't redeem anything but for what it's worth, I really didn't have an agenda. I just thought you were cute. Just my cursed sense of romance, I guess. I'm sorry."

He had spoken while holding his breath and now inhaled deeply. A nod to Adam later Blaine turned around and started to look for Marley when he heard: "What, no asking for a second chance?"

Blaine turned around again. Why didn't Adam look even remotely angry?

Blaine quickly took the seat opposite to him and leaned forward while he spoke.

"If you screamed at me that would make things so much easier to bear. Don't be all nice and… English!"

Adam laughed. Oh. My. God. He still was cute and so… forgiving.

"I can't help it, you know, since I _am_ English born."

"So… Would I actually…"

Blaine stopped in the middle of his sentence. What was going on? Was it really clever to ask Adam out again? On one hand, yes, it would be great if it would work out. But on the other hand Blaine was too entangled with his domestic drama with Sam to have the energy to carefree date.

Blaine had been home in Lima over the holidays, just like Sam had been in Kentucky. The time apart had done nothing to help Blaine get his head free. He had had too much time at home to think. About that kiss, that damn kiss. It wouldn't leave his mind. And then he had installed the SIMS computer game on his laptop, created two people that were as alike to him and Sam as possible and tried to find out that way if dating would be a good idea. First the flirting had led to two love birds, alright, but then the fighting had started and everything had ended with SIM-Blaine burning SIM-Sam in the garden.

Huh. Not a very good prognosis.

"Yes…?" Adam asked.

"Uhm. Does it mean you forgive me?"

"Well, I believe you when you say you didn't have an agenda. You're too naive to act like that."

"Oh. Thank you… I guess."

"Hey, have you heard back from the Zombie-musical?"

"No. And I don't think that will be anything…"

Blaine couldn't believe it but he actually found himself in a nice, normal conversation with Adam. Not flirty or with the intent to get a date but a friendly conversation. More than he had ever thought could happen. Adam also asked him about '_Adam's Apples'_ and Blaine agreed to at least think about coming back.

* * *

><p>Although located in Brooklyn the rooms of '<em>Let's get loud'<em>, the Broadway play Blaine had taken the ad of, looked neat and the atmosphere was welcoming. In the waiting room were a few people. Blaine sat down and read through the script that was given to him.

An hour later he stepped out on the street, closing his jacket and putting up the hoodie to protect his hair from the mild rain. The snow from December was completely gone. Now he had to wait for a call-back and he'd much rather like to have a role in this play even when it was without singing than in the Zombie Apocalypse musical.

When he came home he realised Sam was back from Kentucky. Blaine's heart beat double time as he saw the open door of his roommate and heard quiet music. He forced himself to take off his jacket and walk there in a normal pace while in fact he wanted to run, throw himself at Sam and tell him how much he had missed him. But apart from the fact they had separated on not the best food last year it could've been misunderstood, anyway.

Blaine knocked on the open door and poked his head in. Sam was sitting cross legged on his bed, reading a paper.

"Hey… uhm… Happy New Year", Blaine said as Sam looked up. The Blonde waved him in.

"You, too. Look."

He gave the paper to Blaine, who read it.

"Mr Evans, you're determination to work for me has impressed me. I'm willing to book you for the new collection of beach clothing. Come to my office…" Blaine looked at the signature. Bichette. Now, he didn't really think this was good news but since Sam seemed to be in a better mood than the whole last month Blaine forced a smile as he gave the letter back.

"Wow, congratulations, Sam!"

"Mm." Sam folded the paper expressionless.

"What, are you not overwhelmed with joy you made it? Wasn't that your dream?"

"Yeah." Sam shrugged and looked at Blaine. Once again it kicked Blaine out of his shoes and he didn't know whether the longing he felt was his own or the one he saw in Sam's eyes. But this time Blaine could control himself. He gulped down all feelings by thinking of the burning SIM body.

"So, do you want to celebrate your new job? We could order in food? I mean… if you want to." Blaine shrugged, eager to not make Sam think he had forgotten the atmosphere from before the holidays.

"I don't know, man. I don't feel too well. I'll probably just go to sleep."

"Oh." At six p.m.? Was he sick? Could Blaine do anything to help him get better?

"Yeah, you know, long flight and everything."

Blaine nodded and stayed where he was because his feet wouldn't move. Last time he had been in this room he had kissed Sam. Sam had kissed him. Everything had started.

"But we are good, right?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.

Sam shrugged.

"Because we need to be best friends forever", Blaine said. He didn't say all those other things that had gone through his head in Lima. How holding on to something for the sake of not losing it sometimes exactly led to losing it. How refusing to go with changes sometimes destroyed everything more than those changes could've. But all those thoughts were secret, most of the times Blaine didn't even allow himself to look at them.

Or at the feelings that stood behind it.

"Can we talk about that tomorrow?" Sam asked.

"Yes. Of course. Just tell me… yes or no."

"That would be talking already."

"Can't we just, like, hang out with pizza and everything? Like nothing has happened?"

Now Blaine pleaded at Sam, who drove his hands through his hair and unfolded his legs.

"I should have never told you, it's all my fault. I'm sorry. "

"No, no, no! Sam!" Blaine sat down next to his friend and grasped his hand. Was that strange or easy to misunderstand? No, any friend would do that…

"It's good that you told me! It's good that you talked about it. Not talking makes everything so much harder."

"But…" Sam closed his eyes and wiped over them with one hand. "It still has gotten harder."

"Oh." Blaine should've probably let go of Sam's hand now. Then again he could understand that wrong, too, and start to cry or something.

"Because we kissed. I thought… I couldn't help it, like every day I thought maybe Blaine feels something, too. And that you need time to get used to the thought or something. Can you… Just tell me how we stand, honestly? Should I wait or put energy into getting over it or… what?"

Sam returned the pressure on Blaine's hand somewhat too hard so Blaine pulled back his hand. In the moment he did it Sam exhaled and glided away from him, eyes directed at the floor.

And Blaine didn't know what to say. He didn't want Sam to hurt but here it was, his chance of making them like they had been. Best friends, not more but also not less. Blaine could start dating Adam again, or whoever, and share his luck but also his tears with Sam. It was a selfish wish but if they were to engage in a romantic relationship they wouldn't have each other for comfort if something went wrong.

"I just want us to stay friends", he repeated. "Like before."

Sam took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay. It's better that way, you're right. I mean, who knows when my phase is over, anyway."

Blaine nodded. Funny enough, he didn't feel relieved. He had thought he would when Sam agreed to going back to the way they were. But maybe it needed time to settle down.

Blaine put his hands on his knees and got up.

"So, uhm, you're going to sleep immediately or do you want to eat something before…?"

"If you don't mind I'm calling Danny. I…" Sam reached for his phone and Blaine froze.

Danny. The drug dealer. The gay sex provider.

"No."

Sam looked up. "What?"

"I do mind. I do mind very much. Don't call him."

"Why not?" Sam frowned at Blaine.

Well, good question. They had the drug discussion already and it had led to nothing. Still…

"What do you want with him? Are you out of pills or…?"

"Blaine, come on, I'm an adult. I can decide for my own… Anyway, I…"

"We haven't seen each other for two weeks", Blaine interrupted Sam. "And I missed you. Can't we spend the night… only the two of us?"

He gulped. That had sounded way too suggestive, hadn't it?

Sam looked at his phone and bit his lip. Eventually he nodded and put the phone away, and this time Blaine was relived as hell.

* * *

><p>The room was dark when Blaine opened his eyes. He might as well have kept them closed and his view would've stayed the same. But he couldn't fall asleep again. The warmth beside him moved and suddenly hot breath thrust into his ear.<p>

"I know you lied, Blaine. I know you want me."

Blaine shivered. He pulled Sam closer, wanted to be buried completely underneath him. Once they started to kiss it never seemed to end and Sam's hand glided down on Blaine and –

_Biep biep biep. Biep biep biep. Biep biep biep._

Blaine opened his eyes, hit the alarm clock and kicked away the sheets. It was way too hot for a January morning. And the sun was way too bright. Blaine turned around, closed his eyes and tried to dream on. Sam's hands on his body, yes… oh God, yes. Blaine breathed in through his mouth and enclosed his hard one.

A few minutes later he crept to the bathroom to wash his hands and brush his teeth. He felt bad about dreaming of his best friend like that but given the circumstances it wasn't too weird. Of course yesterday had been a total platonic evening but the situation from December and Sam's confession still were in Blaine's head.

Despite his rather happy awakening Blaine wasn't very high spirited when he took a coffee and packed his bag for school. He didn't really know why. He just knew Sam had a few days until his Bichette job would start and who knew what he'd do in his free time. Take drugs? Have sex with Danny? Okay, those fantasies were really not helping. And Blaine had practically pushed Sam away so he wasn't allowed to complain about with whom he had sex.

* * *

><p>"Today I'll do it. I'll ask him out", Marley said. Once again. Blaine only nodded and told her to go on because she never did.<p>

"Oh, oh, I think he's coming for you", Marley said.

"Who?" Blaine turned around from the candy machine and sighed.

Of course had he known that sooner or later he had to face Kurt again. It's strange enough he hadn't seen him in school for many months now. Maybe Kurt had hidden from him just like Blaine always hid from Sebastian when he saw him first. But now he came straight at him.

"You dated Adam? Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes. I did. Go on, tell me what a bad person I am."

Kurt frowned.

"The word I'm thinking of is 'pathetic'. Can't you find your own rebound boyfriend? Seriously? Or did you go out with him because he reminded you of me? Newsflash, Blaine: I have moved on and so should you."

Blaine grumbled and tried to look as mean as he could and when Kurt was gone he quickly pulled out his phone and sent Rachel a text asking who Kurt dated at the moment, and since when. Because he would bet everything that he had moved on earlier. And Adam counted, by the way.

"You should've told him about Sam", Marley said. "That's moving on for real."

"There's nothing between Sam and me", Blaine said while still looking at his phone. Then he put it into his bag and they started to walk.

"Uhu, that's why you looked up online how Aquarius and Gemini would fit together as a couple."

"For research matters, Marley."

"Or why you asked that crazy girl in your dance class to read in your palm if the love of your life is a blond model."

"Listen, if you're going to use things like that against me I'm not going to tell you anything anymore, okay? I just want to know how it would turn out if… you know. I can't risk losing Sam."

"But if you could know for sure everything would be good… Would you? Would you date him?"

"I don't know." Blaine adjusted the strap of his bag. Would he? To be honest all he had done in the last weeks _was_ thinking about how it would be. But Sam always said it was a phase for him. And Blaine didn't know about his own feelings. Could he trust them after he had thought for so long Kurt was the best that ever happened to him and then, well, he hadn't?

"And here I was, believing you when you said the new Blaine isn't afraid of risks."

"Phh", Blaine said. "I lied. Of course I am afraid of risks. Especially when it's about important things like Sam."

Marley raised her eyebrows.

"Well", Blaine tried to change the subject. "You'll be glad to hear I'm coming back to '_Adam's Apples'_. I had a heart to heart with Adam yesterday and we agreed our little side trip isn't worth ruining show choir for me."

"Oh! So… you're conflicted between Adam and Sam?"

"No, Marley, okay? Stop… that." Blaine gestured around. "I can be single, can't I?"

"This is not about being in a relationship but about your feelings."

"My feelings are not important. I want to concentrate on my career."

"Just remember: All work and no play will make Blaine a dull boy."

Blaine rolled his eyes and actually changed the subject to Hunter Clarington. Who would've guessed he'd ever be glad to hear about the criminal ex Dalton student?

* * *

><p>Adam <em>was<em> the cutest boy in the whole school. Blaine had to admit he still had a little crush on him. His smile was cute, his voice adorable and his dance moves were so sexy! Blaine couldn't help but grin on his way home.

As soon as he had come through the door his grin vanished. Explicit noises were coming from Sam's room. Blaine clenched his fists and there was a bug eating its way into his guts. No, no jealousy now. And Danny was a substitute anyway, a lame – wait. That was the voice of a girl…?

But it didn't matter! Blaine threw his bag into this room and went to the living room. He wish he'd have a punching back right here, right now. The minutes felt like hours. Therefor it took an eternity until Sam's door opened and normal speaking voices were to be heard. Blaine wanted to storm to them and ask a lot of questions but he forced himself to stay where he was.

Well, until he recognised Rachel's giggles, that is.

Blaine went as casually as he could into the kitchen.

"Hey."

Rachel jerked around from where she was leaning against Sam at the counter and quickly closed her bathrobe tighter.

"Oh, Blaine! I didn't hear you coming."

"Oh yeah, but I you" Blaine mumbled although, exactly speaking, he hadn't.

"What?"

"I was wondering that you didn't have a thing today" he said louder. Rachel went to the table while Blaine strictly avoided looking at Sam. He couldn't do this. As much as a part of him wanted to make a scene, act betrayed and throw things around, he just couldn't. He took an apple and excused himself.

In his room he took out his school notebooks and stared at them. After a few minutes he also couldn't do that anymore. It started with a frown, and once he had accepted his anger it busted out with no limits. He crumbled his paper and threw it to the ground screaming. Was Sam really serious? One day he said '_oh, Blaine, I love you'_ and the next he went to fuck his ex-girlfriend? If it at least had been Danny, someone Sam is not attached to emotionally, someone who was clearly the enemy!

A knock at the door.

"Blaine? Is everything okay?" Rachel asked. "We heard you screaming…"

"Yeah, no, it's just… homework is frustrating", Blaine said.

"Oh, tell me about it! Just this week I –"

"Rachel", Sam's dampened voice came. After that Rachel was quiet and another lighter knock came.

"Blaine, can I come in?" Sam asked.

Blaine closed his eyes and massaged his nose. One, two, three. Not, that didn't help. He took the crumbled paper from the ground and said: "I'm not sure if that's for the best right now."

After two moments he added: "I'm dating Adam again, by the way."

Oh, just great. Blaine bit his lip and frowned with regret.

"Good for you", Sam said. His footsteps went away and the following quiet was unbearable. Blaine put on some music and lay down in his bed. A few minutes he stared at the ceiling, and when a slow song started he began to cry. He couldn't help it, it was just… everything. Blaine turned to the wall and stared at it, thinking how Sam's room was on the other side. Of course that made his tears only run faster.


	5. Part 1,5

Chapter 5

"Hunter is such a cutie!"

"Uhu. I don't really care."

Marley looked shocked but again, Blaine didn't care. And he didn't care about Adam or even Sebastian who sat a few tables away and now and then threw him a mean grin.

"If your love life isn't working, fine. But don't act that out on your friends", Marley said. "Maybe you should grow a pair and actually tell Sam how you feel."

Blaine mumbled and tried to eat but the food looked so… emotionless. Was it strange that food could look like that?

"Heeey, Blaine! And Marley, I didn't know you go here now, too! You never tell my anything, Blaine!" Rachel sat down on the bench in front of the next table and almost gave Blaine a heart attack. He leaned back and forced down a few noodles to make the impression of… well, someone who is eating stuff.

"I'm sorry I was gone so fast yesterday, we didn't have a chance to chat. Hey, did you go to the audition for the Zombie thing?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, but I don't think it's going anywhere. It was at the beginning of December and they still haven't called. I guess they gave up."

"Oh, that's a pity! Do you want to come to a rehearsal of '_All Good Things Come In Three_' tonight? Maybe you can make a good impression on the director. And if not, it's on Broadway so at least you get to breathe Broadway air!"

"Mh…" Blaine shrugged. Rachel took it as a yes and told him where to be and at what time. Then friends of her arrived and asked her to come with them to their usual table. When she had left Marley leaned over the table.

"Oh Blaine. If your life wasn't so theatrical I guess you would be very, very bored."

Blaine pursed his lips. "It's not… theatrical. Just… chaotic."

But secretly he thought that Marley might be right. After all he lived for drama on the stage, so maybe behind the stage, too.

* * *

><p>'<em>Refusing to go with changes sometimes destroys things more than those changes could have<em>.'

Blaine pondered over this sentence. It was actually something his mother had said during the holidays. In another context but Blaine had immediately applied it to his situation with Sam. Seeing how they, again, didn't talk too much and only if it couldn't be avoided it actually could've been true.

But… was the tension between them really unfulfilled romantic wishes or… or… Blaine didn't know but they couldn't _date!_ Come on! How weird and strange would that be? And he had to concentrate on his homework anyway. He'd drink water and eat a snack and then think of nothing else, really! But in the kitchen he didn't find the specific yoghurt he wanted to eat. And it was really important that he ate exactly that!

"SAM! HAVE YOU EATEN MY YOGHURT?"

The fridge was almost empty so Blaine didn't know what else he should eat. He had left a grocery list on the fridge and didn't know why Sam hadn't been shopping. As long as he just waited for his Bichette job he could to some housework, couldn't he?

"Why are you screaming? Mrs Presley will grouse at me again."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't eat my things then! Or buy at least new food!" Blaine pushed the fridge door shut and crossed his arms. The Blonde raised his eyebrows.

"I would if I had money."

"We have a cash box for cases like that! It can't be empty already, can it?"

Now Sam crossed his arms, too. "Why are you so bitter? Doesn't Adam satisfy your needs or something?"

"Whoah, I can't believe you just said that! And you shouldn't be talking after… the way you treat Rachel!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Are you together with her for real, now?"

"What if I were?"

They stared at each other for a few moments. Blaine was tired of fighting. It was exhausting but at the same time he couldn't let it go; Sam's face just made him want to scream louder and louder.

"Nothing", Blaine eventually said.

Sam raised his eyebrows. "You wouldn't mind then?"

"No, why would I?"

"I don't know, maybe because you had a heart attack yesterday after I slept with her?"

He couldn't have taken Blaine's breath away more if he had actually punched him in the stomach.

"I… I didn't", Blaine stuttered. "That was… homework."

"Whatever."

Before Sam turned around Blaine caught his distant stare and felt as disconnected with Sam as never before. That wasn't them anymore, and no matter how much Blaine tried to make things the way they were again it just wouldn't work.

'_Refusing to go with changes…_'

"Sam, wait. I…" Blaine bit his lip. Talking about the true matter of things was harder than auditioning with many eyes watching him. He cleared his throat while Sam turned around and waited.

"I lied. It wasn't the homework."

"Oh really?"

"And I'm also not dating Adam. That was another lie."

"Oh…" The grim expression lifted from Sam. He went to the table and sat down on the bench, fumbling with his hands as he said: "Why did you say so, then?"

"Because I didn't want to talk about it. About… how… Damn it, Sam, why did you go to her? One day after you asked me…"

"Because you said no", Sam said. "I know, you want to be friends and everything but I felt _so unloved_. Rachel is always willing to love me. Uhm…" He scratched his neck. "It's not like I use her. Or… is it?"

He looked at Blaine, who shrugged. It sounded like that but he sure as hell wouldn't say so. And he had other things on his mind now, anyway.

"Look, Sam,I… I was jealous. Maybe I'm not as unaffected as I say all the time but…" Blaine gulped and tried not to cry.

"I can't stop thinking how it could destroy us. If we date. What if we end up hurting each other?"

"You could never hurt me, Blaine."

"Yes, I could, Sam. Because the people that are closest to you, most important to you, are the ones that can hurt you most easily. Not on purpose of course but…" He shrugged.

The kitchen fell silent for a few moments. Blaine looked at the fridge and several cupboards before he dared to look at Sam again. What now? Everything was said. Except how they would go on from here. As friends or… into a different direction? Maybe 'friends' would be more sensible, yes, but the other option was close, within easy reach, and Blaine wanted it. Oh God, he wanted it more than anything else. He hadn't dared to think about it that explicitly but yes. He wanted it.

"What now?" Sam whispered.

Blaine pursed his lips. His heart dashed wildly in advance even before he spoke and when he did, he felt close to passing out.

"Well, do you still want to…?"

"Yes. I want to. But Blaine… what if my phase ends soon? Then I'd be the one hurting you."

"Don't think about that now, okay, Sam? Just…" Blaine shrugged. He wetted his lips. Damn, the heat had been turned too high in this room. Were they about to become a couple? He and Sam? Was that really happening? Oh wow.

"We'll take it slow, okay?"

"Okay." Sam nodded and stared at the table. Blaine didn't know what to do next. Talk about a date? Kiss? Go separate ways to get used to the thought… _what?_

His phone buzzed in his pocket and made him jump.

"Damn!" he hissed as he pulled it out. Text from Rachel, asking where he was.

"Oh, right. I was supposed to meet her", Blaine mumbled.

"Who?"

"Funny enough, Rachel. She wants to introduce me to her producer."

"Oh… What am I supposed to tell her?"

Their eyes met.

"I don't know. Do you want to tell people right away or…"

Sam puckered his lips and looked at his fingers. "It's hard enough without everybody trying to interfere but… it's not like we want to keep it a secret, is it?"

Blaine took a seat opposite to Sam. He laid his phone on the table and took a deep breath. All of a sudden they were talking about 'them' as if nothing was more usual. But it was, in fact, just odd. And oh, how reasonable they were. Shouldn't they be lying naked in bed by now if it was really passion and love between them?

"Well, keeping secrets isn't healthy for sure but I also wouldn't want to ran around and randomly tell everybody. We just see how it goes. I'll probably tell Marley since I talked to her a lot lately."

"Okay." Sam nodded again, then leaned back and exhaled with a laughter. "Oh my God, is this real?"

"I know, right?" Blaine chuckled and with it literally every weight finally fell from him. A grin spread on his face and he couldn't put it off, and why would he even want to.

His phone buzzed again and Blaine took it.

"I'm just going to cancel", he said.

"No, wait. Don't cancel your career for me! That's one of the rules, Blaine, don't put me first."

"Uhm… what?"

"I read in a book that many people tend to get co-dependent in relationships and no offence but I think you're one of them. I admit, I have those tendencies, too, that's why we really need to watch out. Especially since we're already living together and best friends and everything."

"Oh, uhm, sounds reasonable."

Sam nodded. He jumped up and left the kitchen what, admittedly, confused Blaine. He quickly wrote Rachel he'd be there soon and went to the hall.

"We also can't make the mistake of resigning diversity", Sam called from his room. Blaine went to it and saw that the Blonde was rummaging in his desk drawers. Blaine hadn't seen him that enthusiastic and almost childish excited about anything since high school and it made Blaine smile.

"Ha, got it!" Sam exclaimed and he held up a paperback. Blaine didn't look at it, he looked at Sam's face.

"You're cute when you're all flustered", he said.

Sam blushed. He laid the book down and looked at it for some moments before he faced Blaine.

"And you're cute no matter what."

Blaine held his eyes while his pulse was speeding up. Now they were actually entering couple waters and even though he hadn't thought about Sam like that until just recently again it deeply satisfied him to hear those words. It felt like he was back in high school and all he did all day long was think about that one time he accidentally had looked at Sam in the shower after a workout. (Half aroused because intense workouts had had that effect on him and no, this knowledge wasn't accidentally but gathered through severe yet unobtrusive observations.)

Sam entered Blaine's private space until his face was so close Blaine's vision blurred. An amazing scent crept into his nose and his head tilted to the side all by itself. Closer and closer until their lips touched. In the same moment Blaine's eyes fell close. He grasped Sam's shoulder, mainly not to fall to the floor and enjoyed the tingling in his body. He moved slowly against Sam and with every touch his knees were getting weaker. This was even better than the heated kiss from a few weeks before. It was longing, yes, but patient too so he had time to realise how _good_ it was.

Heat rose up in Blaine and he pulled back. For reasons of precaution. He didn't want to go too fast. He never did but especially with Sam things would get awkward if they rushed it. They both breathed quickly and stayed close, hands on each other's body. Blaine gently stroked over Sam's head. He was at loss of words but then again no words were needed right now.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry", Blaine panted as Rachel opened the back door of a building on Broadway for him. He slipped in and tried to catch his breath.<p>

"It's not me who you have to be sorry for but yourself, Blaine! Being late isn't the best first impression you can make on Mr Koyowa!

"I know, I know." Blaine nodded. Rachel patted his shoulder and led him to the rehearsal rooms. He said a lot of hellos and talked to people but with the time it got more and more exhausting to focus on them. Sam was always there in the background, promising Blaine warmth and security. Of course it was good and gave Blaine energy but it also made him want to go home.

"So, what is our current main play?" Mr Koyowa wanted to know after the rehearsal.

"I'm still looking. My last audition was for _'Let's get loud'_ from Ross Green, if you know him."

"No, no." Mr Koyowa shook his head. "Never heard of him. Must be a bad screen writer. Do you want to get really famous?"

"Uhm, I guess. Yeah, that's usually the thought when people audition…" Blaine shrugged. Mr Koyowa was very matter of fact about everything. He told Blaine to create a monthly check-in plan to reach his goal and try producing his own show. Then he gave Blaine a copy of the book _'Show producing for Dummies'_.

"Okay. Great", Blaine mumbled when Mr Koyowa went back to his team. He put the book in his bag and waved Rachel. She quickly came, still out of breath from the rehearsal.

"And?" she asked.

"He gave me a book."

"Oh, that means he likes you! Great! Will you come and grab a bite with us afterwards?"

"No, I actually have to go home. Uh, because Sam…"

"Oh. Isn't he well?"

"No, don't worry, nothing too fatal. I just want to keep him some company, you know?"

"Should I be there, too?"

"No, no, just… bros."

He lied to Rachel's face. Someday he'd clearly get the bill for that.

* * *

><p><em>Biep biep biep. Biep biep biep. Biep biep biep.<em>

Blaine opened an eye. His alarm sounded far away. Dampened. It was very tempting to overhear it and sleep on but his conscience constantly told him that he had school today.

"Mm… shit." Blaine mumbled and rubbed over his face.

"What?" Sam asked, equally sleepy.

"I didn't know the walls are _that_ thin. You can't hear it when I talk in my room, can you?"

"Oh, I can hear everything." Sam grinned, eyes still closed. Blaine sighed and let his head fall back on the pillow.

He hadn't planned on spending the night in Sam's bed. He had wanted to be sensible. And Sam had agreed. But once started they hadn't been able to stop kissing, or touching each other, and the breaking of the boundary hadn't taken too long. Blaine just hoped it wasn't a mistake. He knew he should stop worrying and go with the flow, yadda, yadda, but… _what if_.

"You still have some time, right?" Sam asked and glided closer. He was naked under the warm sheets, as well as Blaine, and the heat of his body was very tempting.

"For a kiss, always." Blaine smiled at the Blonde, whose hair was all tousled. Blaine drove through it and pressed himself against him. Although Blaine had practically slept in Sam's scent it was still exciting to sense it all around him. Or taste his salty lips. Feel his soft skin.

You know what, screw NYADA. Blaine pulled on Sam's shoulder and Sam followed the suggestion, rolled himself on Blaine. His hands went down on him and Blaine moaned. He could be as loud as he wanted because no one would walk in. And Mrs Presley had never complained about _those_ noises, only about loud music and fighting, so she couldn't hear it, right?

However, it was frightening how explicitly Blaine could feel Sam's ribs. He drove along them and over his spine, too, shuddering at the thought of how fragile Sam felt.

"Let's have breakfast in bed", he said. "The real deal. Croissants, pancakes with butter and syrup…"

Sam laughed and drove his lips down Blaine's neck.

"I thought we were having breakfast right now."

"Mh, yeah, but… ooh." Blaine breathed in through his mouth when Sam's lips arrived at his nipple. And then he went even further down.

Well. He could make Sam eat in the evening still.

* * *

><p>"Okay. I'm going to ask Hunter out now. It can't be that I haven't even done that while you already were in bed with your crush."<p>

Maybe Blaine would've frowned at what Marley took out of his tale about him and Sam but right now he couldn't stop grinning.

"Yeah, you go and do that! Sex is good for your health."

"Oh, that... I didn't want to know…" Marley blushed, and it made Blaine wonder.

"But you already did it, right? With an ex-boyfriend?"

Marley stared at her plate and Blaine opened his mouth.

"Oh my God! I thought – I mean it's not a big deal, I just thought you had. After all your talk how you're not cute and innocent anymore."

"You exaggerated, too, with your fearlessness."

"True." Blaine shrugged. Then another thought occurred him. Now, more than before, he didn't deem Hunter Clarington the best boy to date for Marley. Luckily Blaine was in _'Adam's Apples' _again and could try to set her up with Seth, the quiet boy from next door.

* * *

><p>And another successful day. Since he had come together with Sam exactly eight days ago he was on a high run, and the year just had begun! Again, Blaine grinned on his way home. Today he had managed to talk Marley into going out tomorrow, Friday night, and then in Glee practise he had very inconspicuously talked to Seth and asked if he wanted to join them in a group hang. No date, noooo. Just to make new friends.<p>

When he closed the door behind him he called "Honey, I'm home!" just because he had always wanted to say that.

Then he heard voices from the living room and went there.

"Do you know what you're asking of me?" Sam said in a stressed out voice as Blaine entered. He stood in front of the cupboard , propping on it, and someone sat on the couch.

"Something going on?" Blaine asked. Sam jerked around and the guy on the couch too. It was Danny. Blaine froze and gazed at him as well as Danny did at him, while Sam came to Blaine.

"Hey, Sweetie. Hey." Sam put a hand on his shoulder and kissed him. Blaine didn't take his eyes off of Danny. He knew he shouldn't be jealous. Or afraid. Sam was not the type of person who cheated and even brought his mistresses home.

"Well. I don't want to disturb you two love birds then", Danny said and got up. He had always dark circle under his eyes that proved he was a drug dealer. Well, at least in Blaine's eyes. And he wore way too much gel in his highlighted hair. Uhem, okay, Blaine sometimes did, too, but… not _that_ much. Right?

Sam brought Danny to the door and Blaine kept himself from listening in. Instead he opened the balcony door and let in some fresh air. Danny always wore that cheap cologne and – okay, stop now! Blaine shouldn't talk him down. Maybe he was a nice guy after all!

"What was that all about?" he asked when Sam came back.

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry. I told him about us."

"And? What did he say?"

"Nothing. What should he say? We've always been just friends. Most of the times. I'm not going to see him on work, anyway, unless he'll be working for Bichette, too. Hey, it's almost time! Monday!" Sam rubbed his hands and grinned. Then he was at Blaine and laid his arms around him. Blaine willingly gave in and let himself be kissed.

"But we're going to have a real date tonight, okay? Not just… you know. And tomorrow, too. What do you think of going out?"

Blaine bored a finger in Sam's chest.

"Marley and Seth will be there, too, but don't tell them it's a double date."

"Oh, how deceitful! I like it", Sam laughed.

"So, about now: Pizza or pasta?"

Sam sighed. "I've eaten so much over the holidays already…"

"Sam", Blaine pretended to be reproachful – although he actually meant it. "It's a date with your special someone."

Sam mumbled but eventually gave in.

It still felt a bit odd laying the table and lighting candles with the intention of creating a romantic atmosphere for him and _Sam_. Maybe the sex wasn't the biggest issue, the new behaviour was. Yes, he knew Sam pretty well. But he felt like he couldn't act like he always had. This was new and as fragile as Sam's rip cage.

They ate in the kitchen to be able to sit opposite to each other. Sam had brought his music player and put on violin music. Blaine had to admit he was impressed alone by the fact that Sam owned such a CD.

Since the usual getting to know each other wasn't necessary they talked about their dream dates.

"I'd like to one day dine on the Empire State Building", Sam said. "It's the cliché thing to do in New York. And then bungee-jump off of it."

"What?" Blaine almost choked on his pasta. "Are you serious?"

"Yes! Sounds so cool!"

"Sam… please don't get into extreme sports."

"What would you want to do?"

Blaine thought about it while chewing. He'd always pictured himself with a partner in Paris. Kissing on the Eiffel Tower. And in front of the Sacré-Coer. And the Notre Dame and…

"Go to Paris", he said. "It's the most romantic city of the world."

"Oh, and… in New York? I don't think I can afford to take you to France. Yet."

Blaine's heart warmed up and he reached over the table to squeeze Sam's hand.

"You don't have to. In New York I'd be glad to go anywhere as long as it's with you."

"Oh." Sam looked down for a moment and then shyly met Blaine's eyes. How come it felt so _right_ to be here with Sam, to talk with him about love, to plan romantic things, to share that kind of affection with him? Blaine couldn't explain it but he felt it nonetheless.

"Let's do this", Sam said. He pushed the candle holder aside and took a long spaghetti noodle from his plate. One end he put between his lips, the other he offered Blaine, who grinned and went with it.

After they had kissed that way Sam said: "Our story is called 'The Broadway star and the trout'."

"Oh, Sam." Blaine shook his head. "You're going to be a star, soon. Just wait and see. Maybe next week already and then I have a famous boyfriend."

It was eerie enough when Sam started to cry after those words. He leaned back and wiped over his eyes.

"Oh my God, Blaine, I can't believe… I still can't believe you want me. Why would you? Why would anyone and… oh God." He sniffled. Blaine got up to get tissues and then glided on the bench next to Sam, a hand on his back, waiting until he stopped crying.

"I won't answer that, and you know why? Because it's the silliest question. You should ask why anyone _wouldn't_ want you", he quietly said.

Sam cried more, but with a smile, and hugged Blaine. And in that moment he knew that they had taken the right path. They had been close as best friends but apparently not close enough for Blaine to convince Sam that he was good and worth of only the best. Maybe, hopefully, he could do that as his boyfriend.


	6. Part 1,6

Hey guys! Thanks for reading! You know what, let's put me under some pressure and say I'll be updating every Friday, how about that? Sounds good? On we go!

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

The next day they met with Marley and Seth. Both waited in front of the theatre but each on the other side. Blaine lifted his gloved hand to wave Seth to them, and after the initial introducing Seth stood somewhat awkwardly there and didn't say much.

They went to a bistro and Sam started questioning Seth about all kind of things. Blaine was glad he made that effort because Marley didn't. She sat there and stared at the table. Blaine cleared his throat and leaned over the table, talking quietly.

"What is going on?"

She sighed deeply. "Today, after my last class, I… I met Hunter."

"Oh? And?"

"I asked him out and he said no."

Blaine laid his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry, Marley. But maybe it's better that way, he really isn't that nice a guy. Remember how he stole our National trophy?"

"I don't care about boyish shenanigans."

"So what about…" Blaine said in an even lower voice and barely noticeable nodded to Seth.

She shrugged and of course couldn't say much while sitting next to him. Their orders arrived in that moment so Blaine leaned back and started eating.

* * *

><p>When they stepped out of the bistro Seth put up his collar.<p>

"Are we meeting the others now?"

Confused Blaine looked at Marley, then Seth.

"What others?"

"I – you said it was a group hang so I thought it's… like the whole Glee club."

"Oh. No, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry if you misunderstood", Blaine said. He shrugged. "For me, four is a group."

Seth looked down the street as if he was thinking about going. Blaine put his beanie on his head and rubbed his hands. The air was so cold he wouldn't be surprised if it started to snow any moment. Sam was busy with his phone and Marley had put her arms around herself, looking absently into the sky.

Well. Not the most joyous group on earth.

"Excuse me", Sam said and went a few steps away, putting his phone to his ear. Marley's eyes followed him while Seth coughed.

Blaine let his eyes wander down the street. "Well, how about we go to… to…"

"Your boyfriend is a model, right?" Seth said. "So he would know where all the parties are."

"Uhm…" Blaine frowned. Seth wanted to go to a party, seriously? He didn't really seem the type.

Marley didn't look very enthusiastic and shook her head.

"I'm not dressed for that."

Sam came back and put his phone into his pocket.

"So, where to now?"

"We were wondering if you know about some model parties" Seth said.

"Oh? Really?" Sam questioningly looked Marley and Blaine, who shrugged in response. "Well, as the devil wants it Danny just called to tell me about a thing but I told him I got other plans."

"Danny?" Blaine couldn't hold back a frown. Damn, no, he wasn't the type of person who was jealous beyond imagination. But on the other hand, with Danny it wasn't as unfounded as with anybody else. And he was a drug dealer.

"Yeah, can we go there?" Seth asked, for the first time not sounding bored. Blaine started to wonder if he really was as good for Marley as he had thought (she needed someone cute and innocent, not someone who wanted to go to model parties) but he also shouldn't judge too soon.

"He asked all of his friends", Sam said in response to Blaine's look. "And we don't have to go there."

"But what else is there to do?" Seth asked. Blaine bit his lip and shrugged to Sam.

"Well, do you want to go?"

"I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you."

He said it matter-of-factly but it was enough to make Blaine forget his qualms. He smiled at the Blonde, whose green eyes didn't let go of him.

"Marley, what about you?" Seth asked. The brunette girl sighed.

"If we can go home first so I can change?"

"It's only starting later", Sam said. "We can totally go home first."

"And getting pre-pissed!" Seth grinned.

Okaaay, definitely not the cute dude Blaine had thought he was.

* * *

><p>They went to Blaine and Sam's apartment because both Marley and Seth were living in dorm rooms where they didn't exactly wanted to spend their Friday night. While Sam had taken over the task of finding a dress for Marley Seth had dove into every cupboard in the living room until he had found a bottle of tequila. He set four shot glasses on the table but filled only two of them right now.<p>

"Here's to New York! Thanks for inviting me!" he said as he held a glass to Blaine. Blaine hesitated a second, then thought 'whatever' and clinked the other full glass to Seth'.

"An apartment in Manhattan, man, are you rich? Wow, look at the TV!" Bottle still in his hand Seth went to said thing and stroked over it. Then he turned around with the most serious of all faces.

"You can tell me, is your boyfriend a hustler, too? And you're his sugar babe."

"What? No! It's the money of my parents if you have to know."

"Aaah. The rich parents."

"They are not _rich_. They just happen to have… money."

Seth stared at him as if he didn't understand. Then he sat down on the couch and refilled his class.

"Boys and gentlemen!" Sam said from the door. Blaine turned around and watched Marley coming in. She wore a man's shirt with a belt and a tie and something that looked like a skirt made out of a curtain. She had one hand on her waist and exaggeratingly waggled her hips, long hair flying through the air. Sam sure had done a great job teaching her how to walk like a model.

Seth drew in his breath as Marley made a turn and walked back. She ended her walk with casually propping her arm on Sam's shoulder and sending Blaine and Seth an arrogant look.

Blaine pulled an impressed face and applauded, as did Seth, and eventually Marley broke into her old fashioned grin.

"See? I told you they'd think you're hot", Sam said.

"We gotta drink to that!" Seth called.

Blaine very secretly rolled his eyes as he turned around to the table. Sam and Marley joined them, the former sitting next to Blaine and throwing his arm around Blaine's shoulders.

As the evening went on Blaine's mixed feeling towards the party got drowned in tequila. So what, they'd go see snobbish people who thought they were better than everybody else. He didn't care. Like, at all!

Marley giggled about everything Seth said – now that could be arrogated to the tequila as well but Blaine preferred to think that he was the best match maker ever!

"Let's dance!" Sam got up and dragged Blaine with him. The music in the background was a fast song but he snuggled up to Sam and pressed his arms around Sam's waist.

"You're like a sweet treat", he mumbled. "Only that I can have you whenever I want."

"Right here and right now wouldn't be the best idea", Sam mumbled. Blaine laughed and hit him lightly.

"Not _that way!_ Just, you know, cuddle."

"_I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me_", Sam hummed along with the song.

"How will we get there?" Seth cried out. Blaine buried his face in Sam's shoulder while the Blonde said: "Ever heard of cabs, my friend?"

"Ah, yeah, we can use your hustler money, right?" Seth laughed.

Sam stiffened and Blaine lifted his head to shoot Seth an angry glare.

"That's nothing to joke about!"

Seth shrugged. "I'm just saying I don't have much money on me. By the way, the entrance is free, right?"

Blaine sighed. He wanted to lean on Sam again but Sam stepped away and left the room. So Blaine went back to the couch, rested his head on it and closed his eyes. The world was spinning fast tonight.

"Is the entrance free?" Seth asked.

"How would I know?" Blaine mumbled.

"Is your boyfriend mad at me?"

Blaine opened his eyes. "Yes. He totally hates you now."

Seth tore open his mouth and looked so shocked Blaine couldn't keep it up.

"No, calm down! Sam doesn't hate people. He probably forgot about it already. He went to the bathroom or so, he didn't leave because of you."

"Oh. Good."

"And don't worry about the cab money", Blaine said. He could take it from their cash box. Just a few days ago Blaine had looked into it to get some money for groceries and there was pretty much money in it, still. He could take twenty dollars for a cab, no problem.

Sam came back and Blaine declared him as his personal pillow for the rest of the night. (And longer but Sam would figure that soon enough.)

One hour later he almost didn't want to get out. Alcohol made him tired. But everyone else was on their highest energy. Marley kept screaming and even hooked arms with Seth, who wouldn't give away his bottle (moved on to Vodka by now). Sam grinned constantly, played air guitar and told Seth that he was about to see the hottest women and men in the whole world. Blaine almost asked if that included Danny but he could hold his tongue this time, weird enough while being drunk.

The doorbell rang. Marley ran to the speaker just before Blaine reached it.

"Hellooooooooo?" she answered it.

"Cab."

"The cab is heeeereeeeeeee!" She ran back into the living room. Blaine grinned and went to his room to get his jacket and wallet. Oh, and the money from the cash box, alright. That was in the kitchen, on top of the fridge. He stood on his tiptoes to get it and put it on the table.

It was empty. Sam must've bought food as well, damn. But they had enough now… tsk. Blaine looked around the kitchen, wondering what to do now. He looked into his wallet but only ten dollars were in it. Not enough for a cab there and back.

"Blaine? The cab is heeeeereeee!" Marley ran past the kitchen door and came back. "The cab is here."

"I know! I'm just looking for money."

"I have money, too." She sat down on the bench and opened her purse.

Sam poked his head in. "Are you ready – oh." His eyes fell on the cash box and he came in.

"Now, don't freak out Blaine, I was fully planning on giving it back…"

Blaine giggled. "Why would you? I eat our food as well, don't I? Oooh thanks Marley!"

She had handed him a few bills and got up to leave the kitchen. Blaine stood up, too. He propped on the table until he had found his balance and then went to Sam, who just stood there, going at his mouth without a forewarn. Sam made a surprised sound but didn't deny Blaine the pleasure of sucking on his lips.

"Guys, _the cab is here! _Already waiting for half an hour!" Marley said from the hallway. "You can snog in the car!"

* * *

><p>Blaine didn't see Heidi Klum. And he didn't know any other model he could look out for so he focused on perfecting his dance moves. Strangely enough, models weren't that much into dancing. They just stood around and looked cool. Marley and he were the only ones on the dance floor for a while and when others came they threw them a dismissive look and made funny but probably unintended robot moves.<p>

One thing Blaine had to know though.

"So? Do you like Seth or should we keep looking for a boyfriend for you?" he asked Marley.

She shook her head. "I'm a strong, independent woman. I can be single."

"So you don't like him?"

"Not that way, Blaine."

He shrugged and danced on.

A few minutes later they went back to the table where their friends were. Or had been. It was empty now, so Blaine figured he'd better not touch his abandoned drink – you never knew if people had put something in there especially at this kind of party.

They spotted Seth talking frantically to a girl who didn't even look at him but Blaine didn't see Sam. Ignoring the fact that Danny had lured around them way too often tonight and now wasn't here anymore, too, Blaine wondered if he should get a new drink. But he'd rather go home and sleep at least for twelve hours.

"Hey." Sam was back at the table. Blaine was barely able to restrain from kissing him. But he wasn't allowed here; it was Sam's work environment and coming out as a model was always a big thing, and anyway, if it was a phase for Sam and people thought he was gay when it was over things wouldn't be good.

Blaine really didn't like it when Sam used the word 'phase'. It sounded as if he expected to fall out of love with Blaine every day, and what was he supposed to do then? On the other hand Blaine strongly suspected that Sam was, in fact, bi and just had troubles accepting it.

And the other thing was…

"Did you talk to Danny?" He asked very casually and totally not like a jealous boyfriend.

"Don't worry, it's all cleared up now."

"What is, exactly?"

"Everything. He won't harass me anymore."

Blaine tore his eyes open. "Did he ever?"

"No, no, not… really. Just… stuff. It's over now, I swear. Trust me, Blaine, he won't show up ever again."

Blaine frowned. He still wanted to know what had been going on. But as long as it didn't concern them Sam had no obligation to talk about his private stuff. Yeah, no, okay. Blaine nodded to himself and grasped for his drink.

But before he could take a sip Sam glided closer, put an arm around Blaine's waist and leaned to his ear.

"How about we go home now, Sweetie?"

A shudder went through Blaine and he nodded wildly. Good idea. Very good idea.

* * *

><p>Responsible even while being drunk Blaine had made sure Marley and Seth had arrived at their dorms safely before he and Sam headed home. It was three a.m. and the lift made louder noises than during the day, Blaine was very sure about that. But he didn't care much since Sam's hands were all over his body and made him alternatingly moan and giggle.<p>

They barely made it to the apartment before the first article of clothing fell to the floor. It was Blaine's shirt, and he was okay with that. He leaned his head against the door and let Sam's suck on his neck while he pulled out his Shirt, too.

While he was still on that, Sam's hands glided down to his legs and he took him up. Woah, that he hadn't seen coming. Blaine held on to Sam while he was being carried to his own bed. Then he lay on his sheets and Sam was the most comfortable weigh on him ever.

"Oh yeah, that's good… so good, Sammy."

Sam snorted. "You want to scream louder?"

"SO GOOD SAMMY!"

Sam laughed. "Okay, now sing it."

"So good, Sammy, ooooh sooo goooood."

The laughter vanished with the rest of their clothes. Everything was wet and hot, and smooth and scratchy. Every single touch made Blaine hum with pleasure. And those lips, oh, those lips. Blaine rubbed himself against Sam's stomach. He also wanted to feel Sam's hardness, as a foretaste to what would be in him soon… but oh.

"Not hard yet, Sammy? Let me see if I can change that."

Sam moaned into his ear as he gently stroked him. Still, nothing moved. Nor did it when Blaine used more force. Eventually Sam rolled down from Blaine and stared at the ceiling. Blaine turned to him and caressed his firm chest.

"It's okay. It can –"

"Don't say it can happen to anybody."

"But it can! And you drank, it's the alcohol."

"You drank, too." Sam looked at Blaine and then down on him. Blaine really didn't want him to feel ashamed or anything. He had the best idea ever. He moved his hand down again and raised Sam's cock.

"We can still do something! Look, meet Little Sammy. Hey there, Little Sammy, hiiii."

Mh, somehow acting out his perfect idea made it not so good anymore. Sam didn't think it was funny, too. He pushed Blaine's hand away, and Blaine gave up.

"Please don't think badly of yourself now", he said.

"I'm going to sleep in my own bed", Sam said. He crawled over Blaine and gathered his clothes together.

"Sam."

But he left the room without looking back. Blaine lay on his back and rubbed over his eyes. His head was still spinning but he felt more sober than before now. This seriously could happen to anybody! Sam should not make this into another thing why he hated himself! Tomorrow Blaine would google it. But first… first he had to take care of some business and then sleep those mentioned twelve hours.

* * *

><p>„<em>All over Manhattan. And down Doheny Way. Everybody's gone surfin'. Surfin' U.S.A."<em>

Blaine blinked a few times to chase the sleep away. He looked around his room and immediately registered the whole situation. The dampened song came from his phone that still was in his jeans pocket, thus on the floor.

He tried to reach it from the bed but it didn't work. He took a few seconds out of his morning to think about whether it was worth to get up. Whoever called, he could call them back. But what if it was Rachel, telling him Mr Koyowa wanted to offer him the lead role in his new play?

So Blaine took the effort of getting up. Damn it, it was cold outside his bed. He quickly took the phone and got back under the sheets before he answered it.

"Yeah?" Blaine yawned and rubbed over his eyes again. He had dreamt of Sam's dick that had told Blaine how much it wanted to be inside of him. Whoa, maybe not the best time to think about right now.

"Oh, did I wake you?"

"Yes, but… it's okay." Blaine glanced at the clock. Eleven. So only eight hours sleep but he'd survive that.

Anyway, the most important question was why Adam called him. On a Saturday.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but… Blaine, what did you do to Seth yesterday?"

"Uhm… nothing? Is he not good?"

"No, he is not good! He is not supposed to drink, he has a heart condition!"

"Oh! Oh my God!" Blaine sat up and stared eyes wide open at his door. "But he is still alive, isn't he?"

"He went into shock last night, I had to call an ambulance."

"Oh my… God. No. I'm so sorry, I…." Blaine jumped up and went to his cupboard. He was already wearing boxers and a singlet and was looking for a shirt when Adam said:

"His parents are furious."

"Look, I'm sorry, but I didn't know! Marley was with us and she didn't know, too. Seth started the drinking and he wouldn't stop. I just thought I can let him…"

"He has always had people around him, watching out that he behaved. Yeah, I guess he took the chance of the new freedom but that won't take his parents off."

"Do they want to sue me?"

For the first time Adam sounded amused.

"No. They don't know with who their son was out. He told me yesterday while still drunk but today he's as silent as always."

Blaine exhaled. He sat on his back and massaged his temples.

"Should I… is he in the hospital or…?"

"Yes, for observation."

Blaine sighed. "Oh God. What a shock. Which hospital? I want to visit him."

Adam told him the address. When they had hung up Blaine looked at his phone, thinking how great it was he and Adam had managed to remain friends. Not that they had had something profanely deep but still…

Since things weren't urgent Blaine decided to take a shower. He couldn't resist poking his head into Sam's room first but the Blonde was still lying motionless under his sheets. Oh Sam, Blaine silently sighed as he went to the bathroom. It could happen to anybody.

Half an hour later Blaine had made coffee and brought a mug to Sam's bed. He carefully put it on the bedside table and leaned down to kiss his boyfriend's blond hair.

"Sam, wake up", he whispered. Protesting moans.

"I brought you coffee and Seth is in the hospital."

"What?" Sam mumbled. He turned around and when he met Blaine's eyes a red glimmer climbed on his cheeks.

"He has a heart condition and broke down yesterday night. Do you want something to eat, too?"

Sam sat up. He wore a white shirt with a fine Calvin Klein embroidery on the chest. Blaine wondered what had happened to all of his Superman and Captain America T-Shirt. He hadn't seen Sam wearing one of those in a long time.

"No, coffee is enough. Thanks." Sam reached for the mug and sipped on it. When it was back on the table and he didn't make any attempt of kissing Blaine, Blaine leaned forward and pressed his lips against his. Sam didn't back away but he also didn't reply.

Sighing Blaine leaned back. He drove a hand through blond strands.

"We still need to talk about it, huh?"

Sam's eyes glided aside and he shrugged.

"Do you want to come with me to the hospital?"

"Yeah. Okay." Sam yawned and stretched his arms. Then he opened a drawer on his bedside table, took out a white can and poured some pills out. He swallowed them with coffee. Blaine couldn't move for a few seconds while shock rushed through his system. So Sam hadn't stopped taking those, of course he hadn't. But…

"How often do you…"

"Seriously, Blaine, we talked about that." The can vanished. Sam got up and pulled up the venetian blinds on his window.

"I'll just take a shower, then we can go", he said.

"Okay."

Sam left the room. Blaine sat there, still not sure what to think. He glanced at the drawer. No, no, Blaine, don't do anything. You can't tell people what to do with their own bodies. It's not your business, nor your place to control it. Don't, just…

Blaine opened the drawer and stared at the can. He could read what it was, couldn't he?

_'Adipex-P. Phentermine hydrochloride for short-term use in obese patients who are trying to lose weight. Provides an appetite suppressant effect, as well as increased metabolism and heart rate.'_

Blaine swallowed. He glanced at the door, then opened the drawer more to see if there was an instruction leaflet. But he didn't find one and when he eventually sat back (realising he didn't need take drugs to increase his heart rate) he took a few deep breaths. What was he doing? Spying on Sam, that's what.

Blaine put everything back in order and left the room. Already in doing so he pulled out his phone and wrote Adipex-P into the Bing search bar.

A few minutes later he knew that a doctor had to prescribe this medication. It could cause addiction and also many side effects like elevated blood pressure, restlessness, dizziness, impotence and insomnia.

A doctor had to prescribe it. But Sam didn't go to doctors. He got it from Danny. Danny was, actually, a drug dealer! Oh my God.

"Hey, so, are you ready to go?" Sam came into the living room where Blaine had wandered to, staring out of the balcony door. He jerked around.

"Sure, yeah!"

"Are we taking the tube?"

Blaine nodded. He inconspicuously put his phone away and followed Sam to the hallway. He didn't dare to look at Sam out of fear he would know immediately what Blaine was thinking of. That he would know Blaine had gone through his things. They were silent on the way to the lift and when they were going downstairs, Sam took a deep breath and said: "Look, I'd rather not talk about it. It was the alcohol, a one-time thing. Okay?"

"Uhm, what? Oh! Yeah, yeah." Blaine nodded. That. Unimportant compared to the fact that Sam was slowly becoming a drug addict.

"I wanted to, Blaine, I swear. It had nothing to do with you. Or us. We're good, right?"

He looked so anxiously at Blaine that Blaine couldn't help but let his thoughts go and focus only on his boyfriend.

"Sam, do you really think I'd leave you because of that? I wouldn't leave anyone for it but apart from that you're not anyone. You're someone who is very, very dear to my heart. I want us to work so much I can't even begin to describe. I know I struggled in the beginning because I wanted us to always be friends but now I know we can be so much more."

He stepped closer to Sam and took his hands. Sam's look softened and a wary smile crept on his lips.

"Really?"

"Oh, Sam", Blaine sighed silently. What else could he say to express how important it was to him? He realised his hand trembled as he lifted it to stroke over Sam's head. One moment later his fingers took hold of the freshly dried hair as Sam leaned to him for a kiss.


	7. Part 1,7

Chapter 7

"Which room?"

"I'm going to ask on the reception."

Sam watched the old, fragile people in the entrance hall but Blaine went straight to the reception desk. He didn't like hospitals. Although he maybe should leave Sam here until the drugs were out of his system.

"Excuse me, can you tell me in what room Seth Gilbert is?" he asked the woman that sat there. She didn't ask questions, told him the number and went on with her business. Yes, that's how it was supposed to be.

The lift upstairs was metallized and Sam checked his hair in the mirror. Blaine leaned against the opposite wall and observed Sam's body instead. He was too thin but he had been like that for some time now. Blaine knew this body with the sharp bones better than the one Sam had had before because Blaine had never felt that one all over him, sleeping next to him, breathing the same air.

"Are you checking me out?" Sam grinned at him in the mirror, then turned around and leaned against the mirror, crossing his arms. "In a hospital, tsk, tsk."

"I can check you out wherever I want. You're mine."

Sam lifted his eyebrows. "Possessive, much?"

The lift stopped and the doors opened. Two men in white smocks came in, Sam and Blaine went out.

"Doctors", Sam greeted them. When the doors had closed again he grinned at Blaine, who only shook his head and started to watch out for room number 302.

They quickly found it. Blaine knocked and went in. There were two beds in the room. In the first right next to the door was lying a grey haired woman. Blaine friendly nodded at her and went on to the second bed in that Seth was sitting, reading a book. He looked up when Sam and Blaine came to him.

"Oh. Hi."

"Hi", Blaine said. He sighed and propped his hands on the bedstead. "Seth, Seth, Seth. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I know, I was dumb and stupid. Save me the speech, I've had heard it already from my parents and my brother is on his way here, too. Just…" He shrugged.

Sam sat down in one of the two chairs opposite the bed while Blaine sighed again.

"I… I can't. You could've died, Seth! And I would've felt responsible."

"It was my fault, not yours."

Blaine sat down in the second chair and realised they hadn't brought a present. Damn. He'd buy something from the hospital shop later.

There was a knock on the door and more people came in. People Blaine knew. He tore open his eyes as he recognised Elliot Gilbert, one of the members of 'Pamela Lansbury'. _Gilbert_. Of all people with that name it had to be Elliot who was Seth' brother. And right after him came in – Kurt.

"Hey, Blaine, I haven't seen you in ages", Elliot said, not able to hide his confusion completely. But Blaine sure wouldn't explain him he was the reason Seth was in the hospital now. Some awkward hugs were given. Then Elliot said down on the bedside with a reproachful look at Seth.

"Save it", Seth said again. "Mum and Dad talked to me already."

"And can you blame them? They always worry about you."

"They worry too much. I'm nineteen" Seth mumbled.

"You sure don't behave like that!"

Okay, they walked right into a family fight, hadn't they? Blaine exchanged a look with Sam.

"Why are you here?" Kurt asked while Elliot and Seth went on. He leaned against the window, arms crossed.

"We kind of… made Seth drink", Blaine said. "Don't tell Elliot."

"We went out with him yesterday", Sam said.

Kurt sighing shook his head. "Where do you know him from? And don't say '_Adam's Apples'_."

"Why not?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "So you're still with Adam? I can't believe it."

"Okay, first, that doesn't even concern you and second, I am not. We are friends now, that's it."

Blaine preferred to not look at Kurt anymore and focused on Seth to prompt Kurt to let it go. And it worked, he snorted disbelievingly but turned away.

Blaine leaned over the table to Sam.

"Should we go to the hospital shop and see if we can get candy or some other present?"

Sam nodded and stood up. Blaine did, too, and he stepped to the bed.

"We're back in five, alright?"

Just when Blaine was outside and wanted to close the door Kurt came to it.

"Wait, I'm coming with you. If you don't mind."

How could Blaine say no? He didn't want any more bad blood. And if he could stand being around Kurt he could start going to Pamela Lansbury gigs again and see his other friends more often.

So they went downstairs. The shop wasn't very big and sold magazines, candy and teddy bears.

"Why don't they sell healthy stuff, we're in a hospital", Sam commended.

"I don't know", Blaine said while he looked at the bears. He wanted one for Seth who held a heart with the writing '_Get well soon'_ on it. Kurt browsed through the magazines, and suddenly a thought came to Blaine's mind.

"Are you dating Elliot?"

First Kurt didn't turn around but Blaine kept looking at him.

"Huh?" Kurt finally asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Are you dating Elliot? You told me you moved on and last year you and him…. Well."

No, he wouldn't bring up some jealousy issues from back then (coming to think of it Blaine had always had a problem with jealousy, hadn't he?) but seeing now Kurt had accompanied Elliot to his sick brother… well. One might ask, right?

"That doesn't concern you." Kurt turned around again, head down to read the magazine. "But yes, I am."

Blaine opened his mouth but quickly bit his lip. So he had been right about a year ago when he had sensed something between them. But he was sure Kurt hadn't cheated on him and sexual tension wasn't something you could diminish on purpose anyway.

A bear appeared in front of his nose.

"Blaine, buy me! I love you!" it said with a high voice. In the next moment it cuddled Blaine's face. He stepped back and put Sam's arm down.

"I would but I don't want to tell Seth I love him", Blaine said with a glance at the writing. He held up the '_Get well soon'_ bear.

"I'm choosing him."

"Oooouh." Sam pulled a face in place of his bear that didn't change his expression.

Blaine had to smile. "But you know what, maybe I'll buy this one for my boyfriend."

He wanted to grab it but Sam pulled it back.

"No, Blaine, don't steal my ideas._ I'm _buying it for _my_ boyfriend."

Kurt pivoted around.

"You have a boyfriend? And you, too? Whoa, come on, tell me all about it. Sam, I thought it was only a phase? Blaine, is it Adam? I swear I'm not mad. Just tell me."

"I thought you were reading", Blaine said.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I can read _and_ listen in to people, can't I?"

"We can't tell him, I haven't told Rachel yet" Sam said into Blaine's ear. He just nodded while he held Kurt's eyes.

Sam went to the sales man and Blaine said: "I didn't come to the hospital to gossip."

"I told you with who I am!"

"Okay, look. It's not Adam. It's not even someone from NYADA."

"Kurt, if you buy one of those for Elliot he will love you forever", Sam said, coming back and holding up the bear. First Kurt snorted and wanted to turn away but then his eyes got stuck on a bear. Blaine sighed with relieve as Kurt went to it and didn't ask more questions.

But of course it didn't last long. In the lift upstairs – they were cursed with being on their own in those things – Kurt turned to Sam.

"I thought it was a safe thing that you and Rachel get back together soon. You know she's waiting for you, don't you?"

"Uh…"

"Don't you love her? Because then it's pretty mean to make her false hopes all the time."

"I guess I have to talk to her", Sam mumbled.

"Yes, do that. And now… Who's that for?" Kurt pointed at the bear in Sam's hand.

Blaine rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Oh come on! You can't just mention things and don't expect me to ask."

"Do you promise to not tell Rachel?" Sam said.

"That goes without saying. I'm offended you think I'm that much of a chatterbox."

"Aren't you?" Blaine said. Kurt shot him a furious look and focused on Sam again.

"Do I know him?"

"Yes."

"Oh, wait, don't say anything! It's that guy you bring to _Spotlight_ sometimes, isn't it? I even talked to him! Danny, wasn't it?"

"Danny?" Blaine drew in air with his teeth. "You go to _Spotlight_ with Danny?"

"I don't! I mean, I used to, but not recently. I swear", Sam said. "Do you think I would lie to you?"

"No", Blaine quickly said because Sam's voice had become sharp. "Of course not."

"You have to trust me at least a bit", Sam said.

"I do!" Blaine puckered his lips and took a deep breath. He was too jealous, he really was. From now on he wouldn't even blink at any mention of Danny anymore. Pinkie swear.

"Why?" Kurt asked. "What is wrong with Danny?"

"He's…" Blaine bit his lip and shook his head. "Nothing. Danny is such a nice guy."

"Uhuuu." Kurt lifted an eyebrow. The lift stopped on the third floor and Blaine was the first one who stormed out. He didn't even look back on his way to room 302, not caring if Sam told Kurt about them now or not. In the room he gave Seth the bear, and his nineteen year old face turned into a five year's one.

"Oh! Thanks! I love teddy bears."

Blaine smiled. Maybe Seth wasn't that bad a guy. They just had had a bad start, hadn't they?

They stayed to talk a while until Blaine's stomach told him he really had to eat now. He only had one slice of bread for breakfast, and Sam hadn't eaten at all. So Blaine suggested going to grab a bite.

"I'm not hungry", Sam said.

Luckily – and Blaine couldn't believe he had just thought that – Kurt was here. He stretched his arms and legs.

"Yes, let's go. I'm starving."

Well, Blaine hadn't meant they _all_ should go eat something but why not. Elliot told Seth he'd come back tomorrow. The following discussion was about where to go since Kurt seemed to be unable to eat anywhere but the _Spotlight Dinner_. Sam wanted to avoid Rachel, though. Kurt suggested he could just tell her now but Sam said he needed more privacy for that.

So in the end they went to a Bistro close to the hospital. It apparently was in the neighbourhood of Kurt's former Vogue employer so he talked a lot about that. Sam asked questions about fashion and all of a sudden Blaine realised that his ex and his current boyfriend shared an interest. He wondered whether they had talked about it before when Blaine had been avoiding Kurt. But, strange enough, it didn't ignite even a tiny spark of jealousy in Blaine. That's what he called progress, yes!

They sat on red leather benches in the back of the Bistro and gave up their orders. When the waitress was gone Blaine turned to Sam beside him.

"Just a soup?"

"Yeah… so?"

Blaine puckered his lips and glanced at the others opposite to them who were talking with each other.

"Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten since yesterday in the café, and it was only a salad there."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "I can decide that for myself, can't I?"

Blaine fumbled with his fingers and thought of appetite suppressing pills. This couldn't be healthy! How was he supposed to stand by and watch Sam treat himself like that?

"I just want you strong and powerful, that's all", Blaine said.

Sam blinked a few times, turned to the table and stared at it.

"What, what did I say?" Blaine asked.

"Is this about yesterday?" Sam said.

"What about…" Blaine interrupted his sentence because he got what Sam meant. The night. But how could he think it was about that, Blaine had told him he was way too thin already months ago!

Blaine glided closer and took Sam's hand while the Blonde said: "I knew you'd think less of me now, I knew it."

"No, Sam, I don't. I swear to God I don't. Listen to me."

Blaine glanced at the others without really noticing them. This was too important to let it go in order to not seem like a couple. He leaned to Sam's ear.

"You know I'm concerned about your well-being. It doesn't matter if we have sex every night or once in a month as long as you are well."

Sam inhaled deeply.

"I for my part still think you're perfect", Blaine said. He squeezed Sam's hand and finally the Blonde returned the pressure. He also turned his head to look into Blaine's eyes.

"_You_ are perfect. And while we're on it…" Sam shortly turned to his jacket and then held up the bear he had bought.

"I have something for you."

Blaine smiled. "Oh, for me? What a surprise."

He took the bear. I love you. Blaine grinned at Sam because everything was good. And what wasn't yet soon would be, yes, it would be. For a few seconds they prodded their mouths against each other until someone cleared their throats very loud.

Oh yeah, they weren't at home.

Blaine ran his tongue over his lips as he leaned back to face Kurt and Elliot. Former sat there with crossed arms and narrowed eyes while Elliot simply wore an amused smile.

"Since when?" Kurt asked. He didn't let them answer, though, and immediately spoke on. "And how…? What? Is this really happening? Maybe I hallucinated it. Elliot, have you seen what I have seen?"

"Oh, I have seen it."

"Look", Blaine said. "It's a recent development. Whatever you do, _don't_ tell Rachel before Sam hasn't told her."

"Seriously, that's you biggest concern? How about you tell me how it happened? But nothing was going on between you two when we still were together, was there?"

"I can't believe you would even think that! You never got over me cheating, did you?" Now Blaine crossed his arms.

"Relax, Kurt", Sam said. "Nothing ever happened until last month."

Kurt got up and went to the waitress at the counter. Meanwhile Elliot leaned forward.

"My congratulations."

"Thanks", Blaine said.

"Not Adam, alright, not Adam", Kurt said as he came back. He stared at Sam. "So it's not a phase, I knew it! People always say they're in a bi-phase when they in reality are just trying to hide they're gay. Huh, Blaine, you had your 'phase' with Rachel, too. Poor girl, such a gay-magnet."

"I'm not gay", Sam said. "I still like girls, too."

"Uhu." Kurt raised his eyebrows but otherwise didn't say anything anymore. The waitress brought him an alcoholic drink and he calmed down more. When they separated later Blaine actually felt good about telling him. Maybe they could go back to being friends just like he and Adam had. And as soon as Rachel knew, too, they all could be one big family again.

* * *

><p>"Do you really have to go?" Blaine pouted. "It's Sunday."<p>

"I can't leave a day out."

"Didn't you say sex burns calories, too?" Blaine stayed where he was, lying half on Sam and nibbled on his lips. They had spent the night in Sam's room. This time everything had worked just fine and Blaine didn't know if he was gladder for himself or for Sam, whose mood clearly was better than the day before after this 'night of success'.

"Yes, but I'm going to the gym to train specific muscles, not just burn calories", Sam said.

"Uhu", Blaine mumbled while he kissed his way down Sam's neck.

"I'm back in two hours. And I'll cook then, okay? I promise."

He turned them around and kissed Blaine. Just when Blaine smiled into it, sure he had won, Sam pulled back and breathed into his ear: "Back in two hours, Sweetie."

Blaine still smiled, though. He loved it when Sam called him that. It made the best-friends feeling go away and brought hot images to Blaine's mind. But at the same time it felt like a house in the suburbs, the smell of freshly baked bread in the air and the laughter of children all around them. He couldn't remember when Sam had first said it but it was a thing already. Now he only had to find a cute yet sexy nickname for Sam and their couple state would last forever.

While Sam was gone Blaine (restrained from throwing the Adipex-P away) ate, took a bath and checked what homework he had to do. He had done much less than he needed to in the last week because he just couldn't sit alone in his room when he could be with Sam instead. Couldn't you submit an application for free days for the time you were in the first hot love phase with your new sweetheart? That'd be so convenient!

He still couldn't sit still so he went to the kitchen and overlooked their groceries, searching for ideas what they would eat later. But somehow the fridge was almost empty. True, he hadn't been shopping since last Tuesday but hadn't Sam gone just on Friday? Blaine might have been drunk but he still remembered stuff.

Weird. But maybe they could order in. Sam needed to eat more than vegetable soup and salad at least once a week!

His phone buzzed with a new message. It was Adam, asking if he would be in when '_Adam's Apples'_ would sing Seth a '_welcome back home, glad you survived' _song. Of course Blaine agreed. Unfortunately he didn't ask for specifications first so in the next text Adam told him where to come to – now.

Well, he still had more than one hour until Sam would be back. Just in case it took longer Blaine wrote a note and put it on the fridge.

That's how Blaine stood and sang in the Gilbert's loft fifteen minutes later. It was Elliot's but he didn't want to let Seth get back to the dorms, assuming they had a bad influence on his baby brother. Blaine nodded, very responsible, while Seth constantly rolled his eyes and told everyone that he wasn't a child anymore.

"I kind of understand him", Kurt said. "He wants to grow up and make his own experiences but his family won't let go of him."

"Because he is sick!" Blaine said, somewhat shocked. "They have to watch out for him."

"Well, he _is _nineteen, he can do that for himself."

"Then how did Friday happen?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and strolled away. Blaine was glad they didn't have to fight until one could convince the other one of their opinion anymore. Thinking about it that didn't really sound how all couples should do it. With Sam he'd do it differently. Whenever their first (real) fight happened and whatever it was about Blaine wouldn't insist on being right and also hear Sam out. Yup. (And then they'd have make-up sex.)

"This is _so_ weird." Adam came to him but looked in Kurt's direction. "Seeing you two in one place."

Blaine forced a smile on his face, hoping Adam really was over it for good.

"Have you talked to Kurt?"

"Just a few words. You know, small-talk." Adam shrugged. Then he nudged Blaine's shoulder.

"You're looking good, though. And since you're taking your time to ask for a second chance I'm assuming you're still feeling guilty. I hereby forgive you officially. Do you, Blaine Anderson, want to try it again? This time with brutal honesty?"

"Uhm…" Blaine puckered his lips and scratched his neck. "This is awkward…"

"Oh, no, what is?"

"I'm… already seeing someone else."

Adam formed a silent O with his mouth, then he drew in air.

"Yeah, you're right, this is awkward."

"But I'm really, really hoping we can stay friends. No bad blood between us and everything?"

"Yes, of course." Adam nodded and patted Blaine's shoulder again. "Good luck with your new one. Hopefully your roommate will like him more than me."

"It kind of… it is him."

"Oh." Adam's eyes got all emotional with both pain and comprehension. "I see."

Blaine lifted his shoulders. Some of the other members strolled out, and after a goodbye nod Adam followed them. Blaine turned to go, too, but Elliot called him back.

"Do you and Sam want to hang out tonight?"

"What? Why don't you ask me first if I'm okay with it?" Kurt asked.

"Well, aren't you?"

"I… I don't know."

"Hey, can you ask that Marley chick if she'll come over, too?" Seth asked.

"I'll ask Sam." Blaine nodded, not sure if he also should ask Marley.

"First Sam needs to tell Rachel. I haven't seen her since yesterday but tomorrow I have to work with her and it will be exhausting to keep quiet", Kurt said.

So Blaine also promised to tell Sam to inform Rachel and then he finally was allowed to go.

* * *

><p>"Sam?" Blaine called as he closed the door and put his keys into the bowl.<p>

"Here", Sam called from the kitchen. So Blaine went to it. His boyfriend was actually cooking. Blaine went to the stove and looked into a pot.

"Please tell me it's not soup."

"Your hatred of soups will kill you one day."

"No, it won't." Blaine opened the lid and narrowed his eyes. It looked like some vegetables… yeah, it was soup, wasn't it? Blaine sighed and put the lid back on. Well. He had made Sam eat pizza before so he could return the favour and eat soup as well.

"Elliot and Kurt want to hang out tonight", he said as he leaned against the counter and watched Sam cutting tomatoes.

"But I don't know if it would be a good idea to pair up more often with them to double date. I mean… it's not like I'm suddenly friends with Kurt again. It would be weird, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. But tonight I want to stay in. Tomorrow is my big day, I need all my strength."

"Oh, yeah, are you excited?"

"You bet I am." Sam grinned. It was good to see him happy, really good. Blaine went to steal a kiss, then he laid the table.

* * *

><p>A week later Sam finally told Rachel. For that he invited her to their apartment, and Blaine let them be alone in the living room (he figured if they went to Sam's room Rachel might get the wrong impression).<p>

"Remember, let her down gently", Blaine said before Rachel had arrived upstairs.

"What do you mean? I was going to say: Hey Rach, I hear you wait for me and I wanted to tell you, don't. I'm screwing Blaine now, bye!" Sam made an overenthusiastic face and waved someone who wasn't there. Blaine poked his side.

"Idiot."

Sam just grinned. He was so cute, especially when he laughed.

While they talked Blaine went to the kitchen and prepared some snacks. He didn't know if Rachel would stay when she had heard the news but Sam could probably use something to eat (he always could, actually) and Blaine, too.

Rachel didn't stay. About half an hour later she rushed through the hall and left without calling goodbye to Blaine. He didn't blame her.

"Poor Rachel", Blaine said as he went into the living room. Sam was sitting on the couch, staring out of the window.

"I know. I hate to hurt people", Sam said.

Blaine sighed and sat on the armrest of the sofa. "I made some snacks…?"

Sam shook his head. "I really don't have an appetite right now. Oh God." He rubbed over his head.

Blaine glided down the rest and snuggled up to Sam.

"I'm proud of you. It wasn't easy but you did it."

"She cried, Blaine."

They fell silent while processing everything. Eventually Blaine sighed and squeezed Sam's knee.

"You haven't said so much about your new work. How's that going?"

Sam shrugged. "It's doesn't feel new. It's a new project, yes, and a new employee but in the end I stand around all day, change outfits about a million times and let people take photos."

"Oh… Have you met Bichette?"

"Just on Monday to introduce me to the team. She's a busy woman."

Blaine laid his head on Sam's shoulder and looked at the aloe vera on the window sill. He was glad when Sam didn't have much to do with Bichette. But on the other hand, did it really matter? Most people in the model business were like her. Blaine could neither protect Sam nor could he make him healthier by just talking.

"So… since it's Saturday, what are we doing tonight?" Blaine asked.

"I need to run an errand. I'll be back in an hour and then I'm completely yours." Sam pressed a kiss to Blaine's head and got up. Blaine looked at him.

"What errand, I bought groceries yesterday and we also have enough drinks and…"

"Just… an errand. It doesn't matter. Why don't you call Marley and ask what she is doing?"

Blaine frowned as Sam left the room. An errand, okay. Whatever… it shouldn't interest him, right? Blaine didn't have to control everything in his and even other people's life. Not knowing didn't mean it was something bad.


	8. Part 1,8

Thanks for reading guys! :-)

Chapter 8

Mission 'finding Marley a boyfriend' went on. Seth seemed to like her but Marley still talked about Hunter. It probably was the appeal of wanting what she couldn't have, Blaine knew a bit about that.

They went to the Gilbert's apartment with the intent of attending to a NYADA party later. Elliot wore a lot of sparkling things and Kurt actually had chosen a skirt thingy. Blaine secretly grinned about those two, they kind of were a perfect fit for each other. Funny how just a year ago he would have killed anybody who would've said that.

"Sam, Sam, Sam" Kurt said as they came in. He hooked arms with the Blonde. "Can I tell you I always envied the way Blaine looked at you. I mean I didn't think he loved you but… he adored you. More than me."

"That's not true", Blaine automatically said. His ex and his boyfriend looked at him, first doubtingly, the latter with a sudden insecure expression on his face.

"I mean, of course I adored Sam but it wasn't like I… loved him."

"That's what I just said." Kurt shook his head and made a 'silly' gesture to Sam. Then he poked Blaine's arm.

"You always had a soft spot for Sam, don't deny it. And hey, you don't need to defend yourself anymore. You have him, I have Elliot, everybody is happy. Well, except Seth and Marley."

He looked to the girl who got a drink from Elliot and then Seth, who sat on one of the couches and was busy with his phone.

"They will find someone, too", Blaine said. Kurt told them where they could put their jackets and went to the others.

Blaine looked at Sam as the Blonde got rid of his jacket.

"I'm sorry…"

Sam went to the wardrobe a few feet away, put his jacket on it and then helped Blaine out of his.

"You don't need to tell me you always loved me, Blaine."

"But Kurt was right. I did have a special place for you in my heart, of course I still do. When I lived with him I missed you, you know? As a friend. We didn't hang out that often anymore."

Sam put Blaine's jacket away, too, and then placed himself in front of Blaine, his fingers hooking into his belt and pulling him closer.

"We do now, don't we?"

Blaine was overwhelmed by the sudden hotness. He stroked over Sam's green shirt under that he felt a muscular chest and breathed in his manly cologne.

"Yeah. We do."

"Hey, Romeo and Romeo, self-made punch or Vodka mix from a bottle?" Kurt called.

"Who made the punch, you or Elliot?" Blaine asked. He took Sam's hand and they went to the others.

"That shouldn't influence your decision", Kurt said.

"I think I risk it", Sam said. "Punch for me."

"Make that two", Blaine said. Kurt hurried to the kitchen and they sat down next to Marley. Elliot, who sat on the second couch inclined to them, leaned forward.

"Don't be afraid, I made it. I know Kurt how tends to ignore all instructions and just pours in everything he can grasp."

Blaine laughed.

"I heard that", Kurt said. He came back with two glasses, put them on the table and sat down between the Gilbert brothers.

"Okay!" He clapped his hands. "Board game, card game or brain game?"

"We have a Wii", Seth said with disbelieve in his voice. "We don't need to resort to last century games."

"Oh, what's the fun in electronic devices where you don't have to think?" Kurt said. Seth still looked at him as if he had just discovered Kurt was an alien.

"We can split in two groups, no problem", Elliot quickly said.

So Seth and Sam went to start the game console while Kurt didn't let anybody any choice and got out Monopoly.

As the evening went on Blaine pitied Seth who wasn't allowed to drink. Elliot didn't, too, because he was the designated driver but everybody else did.

* * *

><p>The party was held in a big hall in NYADA. It had a stage where students performed, some organised and some spontaneously. Of course Kurt was all ablaze about it and dragged Elliot towards the stage.<p>

"Hey, we haven't sung a duet in forever", Blaine said. "In high school we did it at least once in a month."

"I think I'm out of practise", Sam said.

"You, my friend…" Blaine poked into Sam's chest. "Have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole world and if you don't sing with me tonight I will be seriously disappointed."

Sam laughed. "Okay, okay. Start thinking about a song."

Blaine leaned to his ear. "How about '_We can be heroes'_?"

Sam laid a hand on Blaine's waist and nodded. "I think I remember that song."

Blaine grinned. He let one finger run over Sam's mouth and didn't let go of those green eyes.

"I heard you were dating Adam Crawford but either my informant is wrong or you're a whore drunk without realising how gay you are with your best friend. Hey, Sam, how are you?" Sebastian grinned.

"I'm perfectly fine and very aware how gay Blaine is with me, thanks."

Blaine giggled. He still didn't like Sebastian very much but somehow it wasn't as bad as meeting him during the day and sober.

"I'm aware of that, too", he said.

Sebastian questioningly raised his eyebrows.

"Where is the buffet? They do have a buffet here, right?" Blaine asked, looking around.

Sebastian turned his head. Blaine followed his gaze and saw they were literally standing ten feet away from it.

"Oh! There it is! Do you want to eat, Sammy?"

He did. When they arrived and had left Sebastian behind them Sam quietly said: "Normally you just call me Sammy in bed."

Blaine giggled again. "I do?"

"Yeah."

"Which reminds me! I still need to find a nickname for you! Like Honey…? No, too overused. Huh."

Blaine took a paper plate and loaded it with stuff (he didn't even look what it was). Sam filled up two cups and then they went to a cocktail table. Sam refused to eat from Blaine's plate, and that kind of killed Blaine's buzz.

"You have to eat, Sam! All you eat is soup or green stuff that's can't be tasty! Come on!"

"Stop it, Blaine, that's my decision."

"No, it's not! You're starving yourself, so that's my business, too. I don't want to go to the funeral of my boyfriend anytime soon!"

"Maybe you should stop drinking", Sam suggested.

Blaine put down a chicken leg and leaned over the table. "Where did you get the Adipex-P from? Or rather who did you get it from?"

"You want to talk about that, now? Really, Blaine?"

Blaine narrowed his eyes. Now was the best time, yes! But then the noises around him and all the people came to his attention. He slightly leaned back and wiped his hands on a napkin. His appetite had disappeared, great.

He took his cup and went to the stage, cheering at Kurt and Elliot who were ignoring the long line of students who also wanted to sing.

And where was Marley, anyway?

* * *

><p>An hour later Blaine had found Marley (not that he hadn't looked for her all the time) and tried to cheer her up. She had made the mistake of talking to Hunter again. Tsk, tsk.<p>

"I just want somebody to love me, is that too much to ask?" she cried. They were sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall. Blaine had one hand on her back, patting her from time to time, in the other he held an empty cub in that he stared while mostly thinking about his fight with Sam.

"There, there… having someone isn't just sunshine all the time, too", he said. "Enjoy your single status."

"No!"

"Heey, cool a pity party! I join you!" Seth exclaimed. He sat down on Marley's other site, crossed his legs and took out his phone.

Marley wiped over her eyes and turned his head to him. With a fast movement she leaned forward, grabbed his collar and kissed him. Seth tore his eyes wide open and stared at Blaine, who didn't know what to think of desperate, drunk actions like that. But since Seth now returned the kiss and didn't seem to mind, Blaine shrugged and got up.

He looked around. Where to go next? Where were his friends?

"Hey. Now, this was planned as a duet but somehow my boyfriend vanished", a voice came from the stage. It was Sam's voice so Blaine tried to find a spot from where he could see him.

"But yeah, this is for Blaine."

The melody of '_We can be heroes'_ started and Blaine's eyes filled with tears whether he wanted it or not. He made his way towards the stage. Sam stood there with a guitar and started to sing while Blaine arrived at the stairs.

_Though nothing will keep us together  
>We can beat them, forever and ever<br>We can be heroes  
>Just for one Day.<em>

Blaine took a micro and entered the stage, just in time for his part.

_I, I will be king, and you  
>You will be queen<br>Though nothing will drive them away  
>We can be heroes, forever and ever.<em>

Sam turned to him and grinned. They sang the end of the song together and Blaine just knew that it was the best damn song in the whole wide world, forever and ever.

"And that, my friends, is how you make your boyfriend come back to you", Sam said into his micro at the end. People laughed and applauded.

"You idiot. I didn't leave you, I just took my time to pout", Blaine said – not into the micro. They went down and Sam gave the guitar back to the stage manager.

"You were gone for _an hour_", he said. "It made me think you drowned in the toilet."

"Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. I have more class than that."

"Oh, my mistake. In the sink then."

"Shut up!" Blaine grasped Sam's shirt and pressed his open lips against his. Sam responded by putting his hands on Blaine's sides and holding him close. Blaine wanted him. Now.

"We need to go home", he gasped.

"Okay, you're needy when you're drunk". Sam stated.

"I don't hear you complaining."

After a few more moments Sam broke away, placing some pecks on Blaine's face and eventually leaning back.

"If you want to we can get a cab cause I'm sure Kurt and Elliot will stay until the early morning."

"Yeah. I want to."

Sam took Blaine's hand and they went through the crowd. Come on, Blaine wasn't _needy_. Just horny. And what were fights for, anyway, if not for making up the really good way afterwards? With Kurt this actually had been the only way to get it for the most time of their relationship… not that Blaine wanted to think about Kurt right now.

Elliot actually drove them home. Blaine thanked him a thousand times before Sam pulled him out of the car.

"I'm really grateful, too, but I'd prefer to spent the night in my bed, not in your car", he said to Elliot.

"It's okay, I'd rather have it that way, too", Elliot laughed.

Blaine waved as the car drove away. Sam already opened the door and went to the lift. It opened with a _bling_ just when Blaine arrived. Inside he of course threw himself into Sam's arms.

"Mmm… you smell so nice", he mumbled.

"One day we'll discover the lift is monitored for safety reasons and that'll be really awkward", Sam said.

Blaine looked into all corners. "No, it's not! I could do anything to you and nobody would ever know."

"And what…" Sam leaned down and spoke warmly into Blaine's ear, his fingers teasingly grazing Blaine's crotch. "…were you thinking of?"

"I don't know. Maybe… like… oh God, Sammy."

Well, Blaine had wanted to be witty and funny but the words had gone all out of his head now. He actually wouldn't have problem with it if Sam would take him right here, right now.

But Sam's hand vanished. Such a mean, mean boyfriend. But Blaine could be mean, too. He lifted his leg and pressed his thigh against Sam, took back pressure and repeated the whole thing, and he was getting all the reactions he had hoped for. Sam moaning, his trousers plumping up. Good.

Moments later Blaine opened the door to their apartment.

"Your bed or mine?" he asked.

"I don't care. I'll be there in a minute!" Sam waggled his eyebrows and went to the bathroom. Blaine closed the door properly, chose Sam's bed (it was slightly bigger) and took off his clothes. It was more fun when Sam did it but then again, why wait?

Where had Sam put the lube? Blaine opened the bedside table drawers but it wasn't there (something else was that Blaine ignored for now). Probably in the cupboard or something… or was it in Blaine's room? Where had they done it the last time?

Blaine hurried to his room. Ah, yes, there it was. Back in the hall he heard a rumbling from the bathroom, so Blaine knocked against it.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, yeah. I'm good."

Blaine frowned, his hand on the door knob. "Yeah?"

"Just a little dizzy, I'm with you in a minute."

Dizzy, dizzy? Blaine went back to Sam's room, put the lube on the bedside table and sat down. He couldn't shake the feeling that it had to do with the drugs. Last time Sam had drunk their side effects had come out, too. Maybe it was like that, maybe that's how it started and it would get worse every time?

Sam, still fully dressed, came in and went to his cupboard.

"I have something…"

"Are you sure you're okay? You look pale."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't sweat the small stuff."

"Huh? What?"

"Or something. Here."

He took out a box and threw it to Blaine, then he took off his clothes. Blaine frowned. Red plush handcuffs? What?

"I was thinking…" Sam, now naked, sat down behind Blaine and kissed his neck, while his hands drove down his sides. "…we could try something."

The skin contact and touches didn't fail to make Blaine shiver but he still couldn't wrap his mind around the… thing.

"I'm not into that", he said. He couldn't even slightly imagine how that would be comfortable. Either with him handcuffed or Sam. Blaine liked to be in control but he also didn't want to dominate Sam or anything. Just normal sex, was that too much to ask?

Sam pulled Blaine back and he went with it, laying the box side. They kissed for a while and other body parts got wet, too. The lube appeared and while Sam slowly circled his finger into Blaine he nipped in his earlobe.

"You really don't want to try it?"

"Try..?" Blaine breathed through his open mouth, relieved about the friction yet still desperate for more.

"The handcuffs."

Blaine opened his eyes to find Sam's. "You really mean it?"

"Why not?"

"Nah… I don't know."

"Okay. We don't need to. Whatever you want, babe."

Blaine closed his eyes again and relaxed. When Sam slid in his second finger Blaine had already forgotten all about Sam's request and just enjoyed the night.

* * *

><p>No call back from '<em>Let's get loud'<em> so far. Blaine needed to audition for another play or musical but of course on this special day the bill board was full of crap.

At least Marley got her Disney deal.

"Wait… wasn't that for a Christmas movie?" Blaine asked.

"It still is! But do you honestly think they start producing in the same months it comes out? It's for this year's Christmas."

"Oh… cool. Are you in love with Seth now?"

"Why would I?"

"Uhm… you made out with him on Saturday."

"What? No, I didn't!"

Marley distorted her face and walked away from the bill board. Blaine stayed a few more moments, looking through the ads. And then he saw it. The Zombie Apocalypse Musical was still looking for people. Wow, they really didn't give up, did they?

"Don't tell me you think about auditioning."

Blaine looked up from the ad he had taken.

"Okay, now this is just creepy. We didn't cross ways in this school for months and now you're just showing up wherever I am?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged and took one of these ads himself.

"Zombie Apocalypse. Sounds like something Sam would like. Is he trying to get into business?"

Blaine stared at Kurt. Oh my God. How come he had never ever thought of that? It was the perfect solution, wasn't it? Sam would be enthusiastic about the Zombie thing and audition and get the part in every case because they needed people and Sam then would feel successful and good about himself. Of course. Yes. That was what needed to happen!

"Kurt, you're a genius!"

"I know", Kurt said with a bored voice. "Why?"

"I just… I need to go."

Blaine practically ran home. Stupid trains that were late, stupid people who were in his way. When he finally arrived at the apartment, Sam wasn't there. Damn.

Blaine used the time to do homework. When he heard Sam coming home later Blaine hurried to meet him in the kitchen.

"Hey. How was work? Are you good?"

Sam prepared a sandwich on the counter and turned his head as Blaine came in. Blaine went to him, put a hand on his shoulder and wanted to kiss him but Sam turned away and shook off his hand.

"I'm just hungry. And tired. I will go to sleep like right now."

"Oh." Blaine bit his lip. Sam had had a bad day, no sense in taking it personally.

"Because I was thinking… do you remember the Zombie Musical I auditioned for?"

"Blaine… I'm sorry but I really, really need to sleep. I have been up since five and didn't have one single break on set."

"Oh… okay. Of course."

When Sam was gone Blaine put up the kettle and sat down on the bench. Tomorrow then. And hey, at least Sam ate bread instead of a health shake.

* * *

><p>When Blaine came home from school a few days later Sam was already here. He lay on the couch, eye half shut but still trying to watch TV. Blaine sat down at his feet and carefully laid a hand on his leg.<p>

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired."

Blaine took a deep breath. Whenever he wanted to talk about Sam's work situation (or the pills) Sam just groused at him. That wasn't really adult behaviour. But Blaine had no option left than to try again and again.

"Have you ever thought about changing the business? I don't mean give up modelling completely but maybe cut it down."

"Mm."

"You could audition for the Zombie Apocalypse Musical, doesn't that sound like fun?"

"I'm a model."

"Mhm, yeah, as I just said, you could be busy in both branches."

Sam rubbed over his eyes, yawned and stretched his arms. Then he tugged on Blaine's hand until Blaine settled down next to him. He sure enjoyed the slow kisses that followed but when Sam's hand wandered down on him Blaine stopped it.

"Sam, can we just once talk about things without it being interrupted by fighting or sex?"

"Don't you like sex?" Sam kissed his neck.

"Not as a conflict solving matter."

"What conflict, there's no conflict. I just want you, babe."

His mouth wandered over Blaine's face. Yes, it felt nice but no, no this wasn't how they were supposed to work. He pulled back.

"I know, you haven't been in a relationship for some time and just had your friends with benefits so let me tell you this: talking and emotional closeness is just as important, no wait, it's actually more important than having sexual relations."

Sam sighed and drove his hands over his face.

"I mean we've been together for a few weeks but still hadn't had a deep conversation and before we also hadn't for a long time and…"

"Yeah, okay, I get it. Not now, alright?"

"But when, Sam?"

Sam sat up so Blaine did, too. He crossed his legs and waited for Sam to say something but the Blonde shook his head and left the room. Blaine stared after him, biting his lip so hard it hurt.

In the next moment he followed Sam.

"Don't run away! Is this what you want for us? Right now I feel farer away from you than ever before!"

Sam turned around in his door, steading himself on the frame. He seemed so weak, even sick, and all Blaine wanted was to help him, to reach out to him, make him feel better. Now!

"Why would I want to talk, Blaine, all you ever do is telling me what I'm supposed to do. It's my decision! Why can't you respect that?"

"Because you're destroying yourself!"

Sam puckered his lips. "Even if so, it's none of your concern."

For a few moments Blaine was speechless and stared at his boyfriend, who returned the glare and then retreated to his room, closing the door. Blaine went to it and hit his palm against it.

"Yes, it is my concern, Sam! You are my concern! If I was about to make a great mistake you'd talk to me about it, too, wouldn't you?"

No answer. After endless moments Blaine turned away and went back to the living room, tears in his eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if they would've fought like that if they just had stayed best friends. Would Sam listen to him if he didn't have sex as distraction, if they were in a platonic relationship that brought much less expectations with it? Had it been a mistake? Blaine's mistake? He should've said no! But it was too late now. And he knew he wouldn't have been happier with Sam as a friend when he was in love with him and the other way round.

Just… what now? Maybe Blaine should give in. Go to Sam, sleep with him, let everything be good again without talking.

But it didn't work like that, Blaine knew it. Didn't Sam know it, too? He had been in relationships before. Granted, most of them were in high school. And the one after it had been neither very long nor had Sam been very committed to it, seeing that he apparently had been in love with Blaine all the time. But… that was just another reason to make it work now, wasn't it?!

Blaine blew his nose and went to his room. He'd call Marley. Or, no, better go out, give them both some time to cool off.

* * *

><p>Not talking to Sam wasn't funny. Blaine made it through three days and then he was ready to do whatever it took to reunite them. He bought flowers on his way home and also a vegan cookbook. Maybe Sam could be talked into eating more if it was vegan, who knew? Low-fat and everything. Of course Blaine wouldn't start the conversation with that, he'd wait until everything was cooled down and maybe bring it up next week or so.<p>

"We should talk, can we talk… talk, talk, talk", Blaine mumbled in the lift upstairs, stepping from one foot to the other. On the thirteenth floor the Presley twins got in the lift when Blaine got out. As always he ignored their giggling. Creepy twins. Okay, not really creepy but… well. Not nice.

Inside the apartment Blaine went to the living room to look for Sam. He was lying on the couch again, eyes closed. Blaine whispered his name but he didn't move so Blaine went to the kitchen and put the roses into a vase.

He couldn't do homework, though. Maybe he should actually wake Sam up? But no, he'd be in a bad mood then.

Blaine went quietly to the living room and opened the balcony door for a few moments to take a deep breath. He glanced at Sam, who looked so peaceful and innocent while he – wait, what was that? Blaine narrowed his eyes and went closer. Something thick, dark dropped down from the couch and when Blaine's eyes wandered up he discovered where it came from.

His heart stopped beating for a few moments and Blaine couldn't move a finger. Instead he felt like he was about to pass out. There was blood running out of Sam's mouth. Just a small runlet but it was enough to make Blaine gasp for air.

"Sam, Sam? Can you hear me?" He didn't know how he had come here but Blaine sat next to Sam now, very carefully shaking his shoulder. With his other hand he wiped away the blood, what to do now, what was happening?

Another, very logical thinking Blaine took over. He called an ambulance and packed a bag for Sam in case he had to stay in the hospital for a few days. Then he sat with Sam and held his hand until finally the paramedics arrived.


	9. Part 1,9

Thank you soooo much for your patience my dear readers! I have not abandoned this story, I'm just a bit out of inspiration. But here goes the next chapter!

Chapter 9

"Something has to change! Don't you agree? Look what happened to Sam, and it didn't happen overnight! Haven't you seen any signs?" Rachel asked.

"Of course I have seen signs. What can I do, he wouldn't listen to me!" Blaine said.

Rachel shook her head and crossed her legs. They were in the bistro Blaine had been a few weeks ago with Kurt and Elliot. Rachel had called in an emergency meeting. She hadn't let on how she felt about the changes in Sam and Blaine's relationship but she sure tried to take things over now.

"When Sam comes out of the hospital and everything is like it was before he will soon get back to his old tracks", she said. "So things have to change. Either you redecorate or you move. Maybe it would be good for Sam to live together with a woman."

"As in you?"

"As in somebody who is there for him and –"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Blaine interrupted her, his fist clenched hard under the table. "I am there for Sam. He was the one who simply went on taking those meds, not eating, ignoring all signs of exhaustion. I can only do so much if he isn't willing to listen to me."

"Calm down, will you!?" Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'm not trying to offend you. You can't ignore the facts, though, and the way things have been recently were not good for Sam. Who knows what made him so unhappy and self-loathing that he went down that road. But I tell you one thing. I will not lose another friend to drugs. I won't." She put some bills on the table, scowled at Blaine and got up to leave the bistro.

Blaine agreed with her at the last point. He wouldn't let this happen, too. But problems wouldn't be solved by redecorating. Sam would need to see a therapist, obviously, and take a break from everything. It wasn't like they were poor so he could slow down his efforts to get his career into gear. Blaine only hoped Sam would accept to live from the Anderson's money for a while.

* * *

><p>"Are you're sure?"<p>

"Yes." Sam rolled his eyes. "I hate this room. I want to go home."

"It doesn't matter what you want, Sam. How do you feel, can you actually take it?" Blaine crossed his arms. The doctor had just left the room, telling Sam that after five days here he could go home now. His blood picture had normalised and everything. Blaine didn't agree. Sam couldn't be healthy after five days. Maybe he should go to rehab?

"I can't take being another minute here!"

They stared at each other until Blaine gave in.

"Fine. Okay. We go home."

Blaine wanted to tell Sam how glad he was that he was still alive. How frightened he had been, how horrible slow this week had went by. Sam looked fragile as ever and all Blaine did was grouse at him. That wasn't _right._

* * *

><p>Blaine had changed the sheets on Sam's bed in the apartment but nothing else. He hoped Rachel wasn't right with her theory that the old environment would be destructive. But Sam hadn't tried to take his own life or anything. It had been a system break down from too many drugs and too less food in it.<p>

"What do you want to eat? I'll make anything. And then we settle down on the couch and won't move for the rest of the day. Or do you rather want to sleep?"

Blaine closed the door behind them after they had entered the apartment and closely watched Sam who made a few steps towards his room.

"Just tell me already", Sam said. He put his bag on the ground in his room and pulled his shirt over his head. Then he went to the cupboard while Blaine leaned against the frame of the door and crossed his arms.

"Tell you what?"

"That we're over." Sam stood in front of his mirror and put on a new shirt, a green one.

Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"Is this supposed to be funny? Because it isn't. Now is the worst time ever for jokes, Sam. Whatever issues you have, whatever you think about yourself, can't you let it go for just one day?"

Sam puckered his lips while he looked at himself in the mirror.

"If I had died you would have gotten used to living without me, too. Your life would be so much better."

"Oh, for heaven's sake!"

Blaine shook his head and turned away. He would not listen to Sam's pity party. That wouldn't improve things, anyway. Blaine went to the kitchen and started cooking pasta. Just when he waited for the water to boil he couldn't keep it together anymore. Tears were rolling down his cheeks before he knew it and heavy desperation made him sit down on the bench, face hiding in his hands. He had almost lost Sam, how on earth would he have been able to deal with that? He wouldn't, that's it! And now Sam kept on talking himself down. Acting like he was worth nothing when in fact he was everything, Blaine's whole world. And Blaine didn't know anymore how to tell him. No words would reach Sam; he always turned away and didn't _listen_.

Blaine managed to stop his crying and handled the pasta. As if he was in trance he put out two plates and cutlery, and some tomato soup from the fridge. It wasn't much but it was better for Sam to start with little things.

When everything was ready Blaine went to Sam's room and lightly knocked at the frame. Sam was lying on the bed, eyes closed and calmly breathing. Blaine sighed. Okay, then.

He ate alone and later went to sleep at Sam's side, one arm wrapped around him.

* * *

><p>Blaine stared at the desk, then the ceiling. He had been awake for twenty minutes already but he couldn't bring himself to let go of Sam and get up. There he was, such a precious human being. He still was Blaine's best friend and also his lover and all Blaine wanted for him was to be happy.<p>

Blaine gently kissed the back of Sam's neck.

"I love you", he whispered. "So much."

Sam turned his head slightly to him.

"Oh, you're awake?" Blaine asked.

Now Sam turned around completely. With one hand he stroked over Blaine's cheek while he held his eyes for long silent moments.

"So you don't regret it?" he quietly said.

"Regret what?"

"Getting together with me."

Blaine joined their foreheads and held on to the spark he found in Sam's eyes; the spark that hadn't been there in the last few weeks.

"Of course I don't. It was the best decision I ever made in my whole life."

Sam's eyes watered up. He nodded, exhaled and blinked away a few tears.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I was so stupid, I wanted to… be perfect. For you. I still don't know why you would… want me."

"Sam, come on. You know I'd take you with any sort of body. Love is not about the body but about the soul. And your soul is perfect, believe me, no matter what things about your body you alter."

Sam pressed his face against Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine tightened his grip around his boyfriend's waist.

"I don't want to lose you, ever", he said into wild blond strands. "I couldn't bear that. Please, Sam, I'm not trying to be bossy but… your lifestyle choices…" Blaine bit his lip. That topic always led to fights, and right now a fight was the last thing he needed.

Sam's breath felt hot against his shirt. Eventually the blond pulled back and searched Blaine's eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry,I… I will try to get better, okay?"

"Yes. Oh God, Sam, that's all I want. You to be healthy and well." Blaine went for another hug. Sam gave a muffled laughter and Blaine joined in simply to express his relieve. Sam was on board now. Everything would be good soon.

February 2015

Blaine knew it was a sick visit but he still felt more than weird when Rachel came over. It was the first time she was in the apartment after Sam had told her the news about him and Blaine. This time of course Blaine was in the living room with them. He had put some snacks on the table and now sat next to Sam on the couch, holding his hand. Blaine was overreacting a little bit, yes, but jealousy was his issue so he was allowed to give in to it as long as it didn't get out of hand.

"Oh, Sam, I'm worried about you", Rachel said after she had put her purse on the ground and sat down on the edge of the armchair.

"That's nice but you don't need to be", Sam said. "I'm trying to life healthier now. Blaine helps me."

Rachel sighed without taking her eyes off of Sam.

"Still, it would be better if you have a whole support team, you know, not just only one person. I mean, I don't doubt you don't do everything in your power", she addressed Blaine, "but one single person can only do so much."

"So you're suggesting…?" Blaine asked.

"I can bring over some home cooked meals a few days a week. Or healthy take-aways from the _Spotlight_. There's gotta be something I can do, right?"

"That's really nice of you, Rachel", Sam said. Blaine only sighed silently. Of course Sam refused to see what this was really about. Rachel still loved Sam. But maybe Blaine shouldn't read too much into her behaviour; after all she had lost her first love to drugs and it was only understandable she freaked out now that another man she loved had started to walk down that road. So yeah… maybe he should not fight against her so much. Sam had chosen Blaine and things wouldn't change so fast.

* * *

><p>Kurt and Elliot came over, too. With them they brought three bags of groceries, then Kurt put on an apron and occupied their kitchen.<p>

"And here I was, thinking Rachel was intrusive", Blaine sighed.

"He means well", Elliot assured him while he sat on the couch and Blaine poured water in their glasses.

"How's Seth doing?" Blaine asked.

"He's okay. And I think he's in love with your NYADA friend. He sure talks about her a lot."

"Oh, Marley?" Blaine bit his lip. He hadn't talked very much to her since Sam had been in the hospital, seeing he had other things on his mind. But she had let on she didn't remember the party kiss so… yeah, no, better not tell Elliot about that.

"We can only wait and see if they find their way too each other", Blaine said, hoping to sound wise.

"What is going on?" Sam came in and gestured behind him.

"Kurt is cooking", Blaine said with raised eyebrows. "Don't ask what or if I wanted it. He just is."

Sam snorted with amusement but sat down in the armchair. "Do you think Rachel told him to?"

"Could be." Blaine shrugged.

Sam was home since four days already and even though he was fully cooperative regarding his health Blaine hadn't dared to ask him about the pills. Or rather to tell him to throw them away. They still were in the drawer. Blaine wasn't proud of this knowledge gathered by spying but what could he do.

An hour later they all sat in the kitchen and ate risotto. The mood was light and playful but as soon as Kurt and Elliot were gone Sam's smile fell off his face. He yawned and lay down in the couch.

"God, I love my friends but I swear of anyone else feels obligated to mother me I'm going to scream", he said.

"Hey, that's not fair. The shock of almost losing you frightened them, it's just normal if they show compassion now." Blaine gathered the empty glasses together.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I screwed up", Sam mumbled.

"That's not how I meant it", Blaine said while turning to go to the kitchen.

"But I did. Danny said it's my fault this happened; if I had dosed more sensible…"

Blaine came to a halt and turned to Sam again. This time he didn't care if his voice was obviously hostile.

"You still talk do Danny?"

"He called to see if I'm alright."

Blaine pursed his lips. He didn't like Danny, he didn't like that Sam was communicating with him. That had to stop. Now.

He put the glasses on the table again and sat down next to Sam's feet, carefully laying a hand on his leg.

"Sam? At the risk of sounding… bossy, well, I don't want you to talk to him."

"What can I do if he just keeps calling?"

"Ignore him. Or get a new number." Blaine shrugged. Sometimes the end justified the means, right?

Sam sat up. He bit his lips and stared into space for a while, then he mumbled: "This is about the pills, right? Blaine, I… I can't stop taking them from one moment to the other. My body has to get used to it."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Of course you will have withdrawal symptoms. But if you get through the first few days then everything will get better soon."

"It's not that easy!"

"I know that it's not easy. But I'm here to help you. Sam." Blaine glided a bit closer, not sure if his boyfriend would want him close right now.

Sam only shrugged.

"What do you need? If I can do anything in particular to help you just say it", Blaine whispered.

Sam wiped over his face. "I don't know. I'm tired, I probably just go to sleep. To make things worse my next job starts the day after tomorrow."

"Wait, what?"

Sam turned his face to him. "What?"

"I kind of thought you'd take a longer break. Like months. Maybe half a year! Sam, this is not something you can brush off easily in a week or so!"

"I know but I need to make some money, don't I?"

"No, you don't. I'm paying the rent and for food, everything. You just pay me back whenever you can."

Sam's eyes wandered far away again. "I don't want to be in debt", he said. "That's the worst feeling ever."

"Hey, this is me, okay, no bank or institution that will ruthlessly come to demand back their money. I'm your partner and it's okay to let me help you. I would never hold it against you, Sam."

"I know you wouldn't. And that's even worse because what if I get too comfortable with not having to pay back at a specific time? Money is an issue that can destroy a relationship, Blaine."

"Right now you're overthinking it. Your first goal should be to get healthy, everything else is secondarily."

Sam nodded hesitantly. Still, Blaine smiled and glided closer, comfortingly rubbing over Sam's arm.

"I know you can do it, I know you can."

"I want to", Sam whispered. He turned his head and looked at Blaine. "For you but also for me. For us."

"Sam…" Blaine's eyes watered up but this time it was sentiment that did it. He put his arms around his boyfriend and got hugged back. Blaine closed his eyes and deeply inhaled Sam's lovely scent. They would do it. They would overcome all obstacles and live a happy life. Together, they could do everything.

* * *

><p>Sam cancelled his job. Blaine could practically see how hard it was for him and even worse was the fact that Bichette called him on that evening and Blaine could hear her bitching through the phone even from the balcony where he had retreated to to get some fresh air. When Sam had ended the conversation he stared into space.<p>

"What?" Blaine went inside and closed the door, also pulling the curtains in front of the windows. The lights were on already and the TV was muted.

"She didn't like it. When I said I needed a break for some time she… well. She gave me a choice. I can rethink it and start a project next week or I can back out of my contract. But I'd have to pay for that… pretty much."

"Oh." Blaine puckered his lips and went to sit next to Sam. "But you are sick. I'm sure you have rights. We could consult a lawyer and…"

"No." Sam cleared his throat. "I mean sure, if that helped with the not paying. But I don't want to keep my contract. I… It's the business that made me sick. Those people who constantly criticized my body. Not only mine, their own, too. And everybody had to _take_ something or you were a no one."

"Sam, are you saying you… want out? Get another job?" Blaine almost didn't dare to hope for that. But when Sam slowly nodded his heart leaped pretty high. Out of an instinct he took Sam's hand and squeezed it.

"That's okay. We'll sue you out of the contract and you take your break to get better, and whenever you're good enough you can start looking for something else. Whatever you want. Whatever."

Blaine glided closer and pressed his lips against Sam's stubbly cheek. Sadly enough the blond didn't even react to it. He sighed deeply, nodded to himself and took the remote control to switch on the sound on the TV. Blaine figured it was too early to ask Sam what he would want to do so he let it go.

* * *

><p>Finally things worked in their favour. Only one week later Blaine heard back from the lawyer he had charged with Sam's contract issue. It turned out that Bichette had tried to exploit many other models by taking their rights away, too, and some of them were ready to sue. That had shocked her enough to sign an equalisation levy that let Sam and his friends go forever without them having to pay for it.<p>

Although it was good news Sam didn't look happy when Blaine told him. He just sat there and stared into nothing. It was his usual reaction to things those days but Blaine couldn't get used to it. It was getting exhausting to be the one to keep up good spirits no matter what.

"Oh Sam", Blaine sighed and patted his boyfriends knee. "Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?"

"I talked to my parents", Sam said. "They suggested I could live with them for a few months to get my head clear. I don't know, I mean… getting out of New York seems like a good idea."

Blaine bit his lip and gulped heavily. "For a few months? But…"

Finally Sam turned to Blaine to look at him, and even leaned forward to kiss him. But Blaine leaned back to frown questioningly at the blond.

"I'm not leaving you", Sam quickly said.

"You should not go off anywhere on your own, Sam. If at all you could go to a hospital, you know… for rehab."

"I'm not actually a drug addict, I just took a few pills too much", Sam said. "And I'll be with my parents. That counts for something, right?"

"I guess, yeah." Blaine shrugged. A few months. That sounded way too long to be without Sam. But if he would get better in Kentucky it would be worth it. He'd leave all the stress (and Danny) behind, his mother would give him food and his father would maybe be able to talk some sense into him. Yeah.

And just like that Sam was packing his bags. Blaine brought him to the airport the next day, kissed him goodbye and watched him leave. If he had known that his boyfriend would break up with him over the phone two months later and Blaine wouldn't see him again for another year he sure as hell wouldn't have let him go.

[End Of Part 1]


	10. Part 2,1

Thank you for your comments! See I told you I'm on it! Updating a bit faster now (let's hope I can keep it up^^).

**Part 2**

April 2016

Blaine needed this. A night out with his friends, no NYADA stuff whatsoever. School was exhausting, he had barely energy left for homework let alone finding jobs out of school to push his career. He could've done it like Rachel and quit school for the sake of pursuing his career but he wasn't like her in terms of already being famous. He couldn't even get a food in a small show. So Blaine figured concentrating on school was the best he could do for now.

Elliot had worked hard to get a liquor license and today was the day his club _Stardust_ would finally open. Everyone was excited, especially Kurt. He wouldn't stop talking and was more annoying than Rachel could ever be. At the moment he was pacing Blaine's living room while talking on the phone.

"We should have not invited him here. We should have agreed to meet him at the club", Blaine sighed.

"Oh, come on. He isn't that annoying", Marely said. Blaine doubtingly looked at her.

"Yes. He is."

Marley sighed and nipped on her drink. She was still single; all of Blaine's tries to set her up hadn't worked. Ever since they lived together he had even tried to talk to her about whatever issues kept her from finding love but… well, who was he to talk? He had been single since Sam had left him, too. They were only two out of millions of lonely singles in New York City.

"Elliot says he has a great surprise for us! Something about the band!" Kurt threw himself onto the couch and grasped his drink.

"Oh, did he book Green Day?"

Blaine and Kurt both frowned at Marley.

"Since when are you listening –" Blaine began.

"No", Kurt interrupted. "No weird punk band. Some pop-country band named '_The City Boys'_. Do you know them?"

"Never heard of them. You?" Blaine asked Marley. She shook her head.

"I wonder why Elliot was so excited about them", Kurt said. He pulled out his phone and kept busy with it while Blaine leaned back and drank his wine. He should be doing homework. But no, this was a free evening. Most of his fellow students were going out on Friday night and he could totally afford that, too. He just had forgotten how to have fun but he knew it wasn't something that he couldn't learn again. Yes. He was willing to learn it! Maybe even ready to find a new boyfriend? Who knew? It was about time, really.

"Marley, what do you think about we two find us some boys tonight?" he suggested. "You're still straight, aren't you?"

Marley looked at him in shock. "Why wouldn't I be? Just because a woman doesn't have a boyfriend for a long time doesn't mean she is gay!"

"I know, I know! I was just… joking. I mean, well, I am ready to have some fun tonight!"

"That's good for you", Marley nodded, her expression softening. "I'm not that type of girl but I support you in your mission to find someone. It's Elliot's bar so I figure it attracts some gay men."

Blaine nodded wildly. "I'm so over Sam!"

He grinned and high-fived Marley.

"Good to hear", Kurt said without looking up from his phone. "So you'll be okay with seeing him tonight?"

"Huh?"

"He's in the band." Kurt waggled with his phone and Marley grabbed it. Blaine leaned to her to see what Kurt was talking about. The screen showed an article about the band '_The City Boys_' and mentioned it had been founded half a year ago by the lead singer Sam Evans. And yes, it was his Sam, there was a picture of him during a performance. Blaine took the phone out of Marley's hands and stared at the pic. Wow, Sam looked so different. His hair had grown and he wore it in a ponytail, and while singing he radiated such joy. He looked healthy, not too thin anymore, and he seemed happy but it created a big fat lump in Blaine's throat. Had he been the one to drag Sam down? Because apparently as soon as they had broken up Sam had recovered and found his life mission and success and…

Kurt leaned forward and took his phone back. "If I had known you start crying I wouldn't have shown you."

"I'm not…" Blaine wiped a tear out of his eye. "I'm not crying. I'm happy for Sam. I'm glad he is well and everything."

"But?" Kurt raised his eyebrows.

Marley laid a hand on Blaine's shoulder and squeezed it while Blaine took up his drink.

"Well, how would you feel if you saw how great your ex was doing without you? It's like I dragged him down. Oh God." Blaine wiped over his eyes again. He didn't even feel like crying, the tears came out on their own! He received a tissue from Marley and blew his nose.

"Does that mean you don't want to go?" Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged. Did he want to go and see Sam? Well, yeah. But would it be good or would he cry and again drag his friends down?

"I mean, Sam knows Elliot", Marley said. "So maybe he took on the gig with hopes of seeing you? Have you two ever talked about what happened?"

Blaine shook his head. "He just called me to tell me we're over. I still don't know the reason. He only mumbled something like, his bi-phase is over now, but… Well… I don't know what to think about that."

Kurt snorted. "His parents brain-washed him, what else."

"Don't say… I mean…" Blaine puckered his lips. It was true that Sam's parents hadn't appeared very supportive of his bi-sexuality but Sam was a grown man. He could make his own decisions. That couldn't be the reason, could it?

Blaine squared his shoulders. "No. I want to go and talk to him. Only then will I be able to truly move on."

Kurt pulled a face from that Blaine wasn't sure what it was meant to express and Marley patted his shoulder.

"Good idea. Do you want another drink before we go?"

* * *

><p>The club was more crowded than Blaine had expected for a new opening. But Elliot had advertised in every magazine ever, in newspapers, on poster pillars and on the boards of NYU and NYADA and really worked his ass off so it wasn't really a miracle people showed up. Blaine looked around and caught himself being way too excited about seeing Sam. They would have a decent end talk and then go their separate ways again. Sam was probably busy with his band and everything. And with a girlfriend, yeah Sam probably had a girlfriend by now. Seeing that his bi-phase was over and he was a hot young singer… yeah.<p>

"Aah, there is Elliot! I'm going to say hi!" Kurt screamed before he took off to the bar. Blaine didn't think twice about it, he followed him. Marley could take care of herself after all.

Elliot was behind the bar and Kurt leaned over for a short kiss. Blaine arrived shortly afterwards and laid an arm around Kurt's shoulders to interrupt their talk.

"Elliot! Take me to Sam!"

"Whoa there, who's too drunk to talk to his ex right now?" Kurt said.

"I don't care. I haven't seen him over a year and he owns me a reason", Blaine said. He wasn't drunk. Just… very enthusiastic.

"Oh, not before the show, no-oh", Elliot said. "You'll ruin his mood."

"I will not!" Blaine hiccupped and held a hand in front of his mouth. Elliot just laughed and went away while Kurt ordered something from the barwoman. Then he put off Blaine's arm and made Blaine sit on a bar stool.

"You will drink some water now", he said.

"I'm not drunk, I just need to see Sam."

"Yeah. And you will. After you drank your water."

Blaine pouted but there was no chance escaping Kurt. And he didn't even want to, walking and talking was exhausting. In fact all he wanted was to be in Sam's arms again. Was that too much to ask, really?

He sipped on his water until Elliot appeared on the stage. Blaine turned around on his chair to watch him introduce the band. When Sam came out Blaine's heart literally skipped a beat. There he was, so near yet so far away. Blaine could just hide in the crowd and not talk to him at all. As a late revenge. Nobody was allowed to just call it off over the phone! It didn't count! Technically they were still together, yup. And sending his dad to get his stuff out of the apartment? How gutless was that? It didn't count, too. Blaine had to tell Sam that it didn't count.

"Honey, are you alright?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded without taking his eyes off of Sam.

"You're crying again", Kurt informed Blaine. He wiped over his cheeks. Oh, yeah.

"Maybe it's not the best idea ever to talk to him now?" Kurt said.

"I will talk to Sam. He has to know that it didn't count."

"Oh, Blaine", Kurt sighed and rubbed over Blaine's back. Blaine didn't even feel it, not really. He looked around for Marley and noticed that she was talking to a guy. Good for her. Sam's voice sounded so great, hot, heavenly… Maybe Kurt was actually right this one time and Blaine shouldn't talk to Sam in this emotional state? And maybe he was a little drunk, alright. But would have Sam come here if he didn't want to talk to Blaine? Sure that was what he had had in mind, right?

Now Marley came over and patted Blaine's back, too. He wasn't a hopeless case of love sickness! He didn't need all that comfort! He got up and left his friends. He hadn't even thought that much of Sam lately. Just seeing him again was… well, anybody would be emotional. They would talk and clear things up and then Blaine could move on. There was cute new guy in _Adam's Apples_ who seemed to be gay, so, yeah.

"Hey, hey, Blaine. Are you okay?" Now Elliot, too. He came to Blaine as he positioned himself on a cocktail table to the left, closer to the stage than before.

"I am okay! Yes! Thank you!"

"You don't look… well." Elliot glanced to the bar and drove a hand over his mouth. "Well, come on, I'll take you behind the stage."

"Okay."

Finally someone supported Blaine! He followed Elliot through the crowd and along the stage. They entered it on the side, outside of the stage lights and Blaine almost wanted to run to Sam and interrupt his performance. But he wasn't _that_ drunk.

The noise drowned out as they went to a door and Elliot closed it. The light was bright and Blaine squinted with his eyes. They were in a grey and ugly hall with some doors at both sides.

"I have a few rooms for the entertainers here", Elliot said. He guided Blaine to a room and switched on the lights. A few chairs, a sofa and a table were in here. Elliot went to the other side of the room and opened a door, turning on the lights in there, too.

"I suggest you look into the mirror before you talk to Sam. You can drink some of the water, too." Elliot pointed to the table with a few bottles on it.

"Oh… thanks", Blaine said. Did he really look that bad?

Elliot hit his shoulder as he passed him. "I'll bring Sam here during their break. If he wants to. Are you okay with waiting here?"

Blaine nodded. As Elliot went and closed the door behind him the music got even quieter. Blaine went into the bathroom. Oh God, his eyes looked _really_ red! He hadn't cried that much, come on! He washed his face and then drank some water while pacing the room. The music went on for an endless long time. Of course Blaine hadn't thought Elliot would interrupt the show for him but… but… it took _one hour_ until the music stopped and Blaine heard some voices outside. They died away soon and the following quiet was even more unbearable. What if Sam didn't want to talk to him? What if he had just come here for the money and would refuse to see Blaine? Or worse if he would come here and tell Blaine that… he didn't love him anymore.

When finally someone knocked against the door Blaine jumped. He sat in an armchair, placed his elbows on his knees and looked to the ground while taking three deep breaths to calm down.

"Come in." He didn't look up when he heard the door going, oh God, he didn't want to have this conversation. It wouldn't end well, would it?

The door was closed again and a few unsure steps came towards him. Blaine looked up and his heart dashed so hard he couldn't breathe.

"Hi, uhm… I was hoping to see you", Sam said. He had a small water bottle in his hands and fumble with the label. His skin was sweaty from the performance but despite all of his former thoughts Blaine didn't feel the need to rush to him and kiss him. No, all of a sudden his anger came up, the anger he had suppressed during the whole last year and that had kept quiet except for some nagging now and then. Sam had said he would never leave him or hurt him but he had! Such an ass!

"I missed you", Sam said. Blaine bit his lip and shook his head. In the next moment he stood up and glared at Sam.

"Well, if you missed me why didn't you ever call again? Or come visit? I still don't even know why we broke up in the first place!"

Sam rubbed over his neck. "I told you. My bi-phase was over. I figured you wouldn't want to see me for some time…"

"So you sneak away and break off all contact. Genius plan, really."

Sam bit his lip. His eyes wandered through the room for a few moments before he focused on Blaine again.

"I wanted to give you time to get over it so we can be best friends again after a while."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Well, your plan didn't work out."

Sam nodded. He looked at his hands. "Okay."

Blaine didn't know what to say. He had so many things on his mind but none would come out.

"Do you need more time…?" Sam asked.

"No, Sam, I don't need more time. I need you."

There, he had said it. The urge to cry came up and Blaine pushed it back down. Not now. He wanted to hear what Sam thought about them before he would give in to hopelessness once again.

"I'm not gay anymore, Blaine."

Blaine drew in his lips so hard it hurt. He nodded and tried to breathe. Sam's eyes looked pitiful but not as hurt as Blaine felt right now. He really meant it, didn't he? He was over Blaine… over them. Again Blaine tried to breathe but it just wouldn't work. He looked to the ground and quickly wiped away a teardrop from his cheek. Damn, he was crying again.

"Shit. I screwed up", Sam said. "I'm… I shouldn't have come here."

Blaine shook his head. He couldn't look up and let Sam see his tears, his pain.

"You were right from the beginning", Sam said. "It was a mistake."

"Shut up!" Blaine glared at Sam. "Whatever you do, don't you dare say we were a mistake!"

Sam nervously wetted his lips. "But… We'd still be friends if…"

"We had feelings for each other! Should we have fought them? That would not have saved our friendship, believe me."

Sam looked at his bottle again, to the door and then to the ceiling. His eyes were glistening and with the next second a silent tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped over his nose and sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Blaine, I… I need to go back out there soon." Sam cleared his throat.

"Yeah, go. Run away again", Blaine said. He sat down and buried his face in his hands. Everything inside of him was breaking. He needed to cry, like really hard. If Sam would just leave him alone so he could let himself go.

"Blaine… Please don't cry. I mean… look, it's… I mean, can't we be friends again?"

Blaine bit his lip. Would it really be that easy for Sam? Did he really, was he really… so…

"Tell me it meant something for you", Blaine whispered, not sure when he had planned on saying it and not sure if it had been loud enough for Sam to hear it.

"You know it did. I never lied, Blaine. I…" Sam walked a few steps towards Blaine but then stopped as if not knowing what to do. Blaine looked up at him. Now Sam's eyes talked of pain and regret and it was more than Blaine could bear. He averted his eyes again.

"Please, you need to understand, Blaine. It wasn't easy for me, I swear."

Blaine swallowed down more tears. "Then why… Why, Sam?"

Sam took a deep breath and glanced at the door. The next moment he put the bottle on the table and squat in front of Blaine, taking both of his hands into his. The sudden body contact made Blaine shiver and eased his urge to cry.

"I swear to God I had to force myself to do it, Blaine. And I regretted it every day ever since but, see, we can't… I mean I'm… I have to be a good role model."

"What?" Blaine frowned. He didn't even realised what Sam was talking about, all Blaine heard was that Sam had regretted it. But then why break up in the first place? Or why not call and ask to take him back? All that unnecessary suffering!

"You agree with me, right? Please don't cry." Sam's green eyes uneasily searched Blaine's. When Blaine didn't move Sam squeezed his hands.

"Yeah? We'll be best friends again, okay? I don't want to lose you again, Blaine, please."

"Uh." Blaine shook his head in confusion. "I still don't… if you had to force yourself then why do it?"

"It doesn't matter now. What matters is that we still have each other. Please."

For the first time Blaine allowed himself to look longer than a few moments into Sam's eyes. And he found what had been there a year ago, that spark that connected them and that made him want to get closer and closer to his – to Sam. His eyes automatically glanced at Sam's lips. Oh God, how he needed them now. To taste then, to be assured that everything was good as long as they were together, no matter what was going on with the world.

"Not like that", Sam whispered. "I meant as best friends."

Blaine forced himself to look up again. "Are you sure you don't love me anymore?"

"I never said that." Sam stroked over Blaine's hair and let his fingers run over his ear.

"Yes. Saying your bi-phase is over means your love for me is over", Blaine said. Sam bit his lip.

"It's not that easy."

"Yes, it is. Do you love me, yes or no?"

For a moment there Blaine believed everything was good again. He fell into Sam's eyes and was welcomed deep into his heart, could see into his soul, felt that the answer was yes. But in the next moment Sam cast down his eyes and let go of Blaine's hands.

"I can't say. Maybe I never did."

Blaine's jaw dropped while his guts were overrun by a big fat war tank. Everything died inside of him. That would explain why he felt numb. Sam retreated and got up. Blaine's reaction set in just before Sam could leave the room. He caught up with him and struck out. His flat right hand hit Sam so hard in the face that his head was thrown aside. His cheek immediately burnt with red pain.

"You ass!" Blaine hissed. He couldn't even cry. The tears got stuck in his throat together with the biggest lump ever. How could Sam even say that! Unbelievable, just… wow. And to think that Blaine had hoped all this time… No. No, he wouldn't wait anymore. He left the room, the building, the quarter. From now on his only mission in life would be finding a boyfriend who _really_ loved him.


	11. Part 2,2

Well, finally I've found the time to write on here! Thank you for your reviews and your patience! :-)

Chapter 11

Only one week later Blaine had calmed down and wondered what had made Sam talk like that. One minute he emphasized that he had never said he didn't love Blaine anymore and in the next he denied everything they had had. It had been the most obvious lie but Blaine had fallen for it. Well, he had been very emotional that night anyway and with the alcohol in his system… Anyway, he needed to clear it up with Sam. This time talk for real, sober and without a dead line.

Luckily for him Elliott was on his team. '_The City Boys'_ had been a success for his club and he had hired them again. And then he had told Blaine when the band would be at _Stardust_ for their rehearsal. Normally it wasn't open for public during those times but Elliott made an exception for Blaine. Yes, Elliott was the nicest person in the whole world.

While the band was busy on stage Blaine sat down on a bar stool. The room was lightened up and it seemed like any normal room, not a club. Elliott was washing up behind the bar and now put a glass with coke in front of Blaine.

"Here you go, on the house."

"Oh, thanks." Blaine lifted his glass to Elliott and sipped on it. Since he didn't want to stare or appear like he was here for only one person he kept busy with his phone. Marley was sending him pictures of dresses from Barneys, asking him for his opinion. Oh, as if he knew! All women looked good in all dresses. Sometimes she didn't seem to get that he wasn't that kind of gay guy. Which was weird seeing that they knew each other for a long time. Maybe she chose to ignore it.

"Hey! Can I get a beer?" A guy from the band stood at the bar and gestured Elliott.

"Sure!"

Blaine only looked up long enough to see it was the drummer. And yes. He knew who was who in that band now. The internet was a very reliable source. He didn't want appear like a groupie so he didn't say anything to the drummer named Chris Smith. The bassist's name was John Carpenter and the other guitar guy was named Kevin Tran. Not that Blaine had spent very much time reading about them… but a bit.

"Hey. Who are you?"

"Huh?" Blaine looked up. "Me? Uh, Blaine Anderson."

"PR?"

"I'm, uh, no. I mean I'm taking a PR class in NYADA, if that's what you mean."

"You here to help with our PR problem?"

Blaine frowned. He put away his phone and seriously considered asking for more information. But he couldn't do that. He wasn't here on any official business.

Elliott gave Chris the beer and the drummer thanked him but then didn't turn to go. Blaine shook his head.

"I'm sure your PR manager will fix it."

Chris snorted, leaned his back against the bar and said "Jefferson _is_ the problem" before he drank from his bottle.

"Well yeah…" Blaine shrugged. Not his problem! And he wasn't here for small talk, anyway.

Now John and Kevin strolled over and asked for beers, too. Only Sam stayed on the stage, apparently busy with a cable. Blaine wondered if he didn't come over because he had seen him.

"Hey, PR?" Kevin asked Blaine.

"No! Not PR! I'm a friend of Sam's!"

Kevin exchanged a look with John, who now eyed him, too.

"Oh, _that_ Blaine! I knew the name rang a bell!" Chris said. He leaned forwards and reached out his hand so Blaine shook it. The other members greeted him too as if he was an old friend. Okaaay.

"Why don't you go talk to him?" Kevin asked.

"Uh, I'd rather wait until he…" Blaine puckered his lips. Could they all stop looking at him now, maybe? Why did he get the feeling they knew exactly why he was here?

"Yeah, no, go on", Chris nodded generously. Well, now that Blaine had permission who was he to not go, right?

He approached the stage slowly. Once he glanced around and all band members quickly looked away, pretending they were busy with something else. Sam had weird new friends, really.

Blaine didn't know what to say or do. He climbed to sit on the edge of the stage and rubbed his hands together. Sam had not looked up but Blaine was pretty sure his presence hadn't gone unnoticed.

"So, uhm… hey", Blaine said.

Sam didn't answer.

"Listen, I'm sorry I slapped you, uh." Blaine scratched his neck. Sam puckered his mouth and his hands were doing one big mess with the cable he was fumbling with.

"Why are you here, Blaine?"

Blaine pursed his lips and looked at a big speaker. Why was he here? Because he loved Sam. He looked at the bar and caught Chris's glance. The drummer held up a thumb. Huh.

"Your friends are… something", he said.

"You're here for my friends?" Sam tried to entangle the cable with too much force.

"No." Blaine cleared his throat and looked at his fingers. "I'm here because I was hoping we could talk."

"We talked. You hit me and ran away."

"I know. You deserved it, though."

Sam pursed his lips. "Great. So can you go now?"

Blaine drove his teeth into his lower lip and nodded to himself. Why had the thought Sam would want to talk after what he had said? Maybe Blaine should give it up. What did it matter if Sam had lied or not? Or if Sam still felt something or not? His behaviour was clear, he didn't want to have anything to do with Blaine anymore. He should go.

Blaine hopped from the stage and put his hands into his pockets. One last word. What though? Sam still didn't look at him and it broke Blaine's heart once again.

"Okay. Well. See you around."

Seriously, at home he would cry for weeks. The whole last week he had been angry or thought about why Sam had said it. Now Blaine would just let him go and mourn his loss.

"Hey, hey, Anderson! Where are you going? Look!" Kevin called as Blaine briefly nodded to them on his way out. Kevin held up a bottle and Blaine frowned unsure about what he meant.

"It's for you! I ordered you a beer. Now you have to drink it", Kevin said.

"Uh… Okay?" Blaine shot him a confused look. But when he was at the bar he shook his head. "I can't stay, it would be very intrusive, Sam doesn't want me to and I… I should be going."

"Hey, don't turn down my beer", Elliott said. Blaine gave him a warning look. He knew what was going on, so he should not support beer drinking and whatever!

"Nonsense, of course Sam wants you here!" Chris said. "You said yourself, you are friends, right?"

"I'm not so sure about that anymore. And I…" Blaine gestured to the door again. He needed to cry. He could not hang out with Sam's friend and pretend everything was good.

"EVANS! Stop being rude and join us!" Chris called to the stage.

"Really, no", was Blaine could utter now. Kevin threw an arm around his shoulders and practically forced him to stay. So it wasn't Blaine's fault, it really wasn't. He didn't look at Sam, though, as the blond came to the bar and accepted a beer from Elliott.

"Look who's here, Sam. I'm officially offended you didn't introduce us", Kevin said.

"Shut up", Sam mumbled.

The band members continued to goof around while Blaine took place on a stool and silently nipped on his bottle. He tried to engage in the conversation and laugh at jokes and not constantly look at Sam. Was there any hope left or not? His poor heart had gone through enough and if not, Blaine should just leave and never look back.

"Okay." Sam put his bottle down. "We should get back to work."

Blaine puckered his lips and looked at his bottle.

"Relax, Sam, I'm not opening until eight", Elliott said.

"No, but he is right", Chris said. "We could show Blaine our new songs."

"No. Blaine has to go now", Sam said. "You are keeping him here and that's not nice."

Some awkward looks were exchanged and Blaine tried to be invisible. It didn't work, though, because Chris turned to him.

"Are we keeping you from something life and death important?"

"Uh, if you ask that way, no", Blaine said.

"See, Sam!" Chris shook his head.

"Guys", John said somewhat warningly. "If they don't want to…"

Okay, now Blaine was sure they knew something. Just how much? Could they maybe tell him if it was hopeless with Sam or… not?

Kevin and John strolled away now and Chris reluctantly put his bottle on the bar. Sam still sat on a stool, fully facing the bar, and Chris laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Just… stand your man, Sam." And with that he went away, too. Sam lowered his head and took a deep breath.

"Uh, I'll be… working in the back", Elliott said. Blaine smiled gratefully at him and then he was alone with Sam at the bar.

Sam cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about that, my friends are…" He shrugged.

"Why did you lie?" Whoa, Blaine hadn't even planned on asking this. But he needed to know. Sam had loved him once and maybe still did, his eyes had said it so clearly despite of his words.

Sam puckered his lips and finally looked at Blaine. "The bigger question is: Why did you believe me?"

Blaine felt his eyes tearing up, this time from relief. He put a hand on his chest to keep his jumping heart from falling out.

"It came so unexpected, Sam, and I didn't know what to think about you anyway."

"Yeah, well." Sam pulled his bottle to him again and started fumbling with it. "I never know what to think about myself either."

"Will you be in town for a while?"

"Maybe for a few months, yeah."

Blaine silently nodded and glanced around. The other band members on the stage were busy with their instruments. Sam sighed and turned around on his seat so he faced Blaine.

"Look, I'm sorry I made you cry last week and last year and… I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Please, don't be. I only was hurt because you mean so much to me and would you apologise for that?"

Sam shrugged.

"If you're in town for a while does that mean we will meet up? Be friends again?" Blaine held his breath. This was Sam, right, they still were there for each other… right?

Sam looked at his hands. "Friends?"

"Last week you said you wanted to be friends."

"I hadn't really considered what seeing you would do to me", Sam whispered. Blaine tore his eyes open.

"As in… uhm… I thought your bi-phase was over."

Sam took a deep breath and shook his head.

"My parents convinced me that my phase would be ever soon. And they said the sooner I break up with you the less pain will be caused for the both of us. And they said I should be a good role model for Stevie and Stacie. Being in a gay relationship doesn't fit the family standards", Sam quietly said.

"And then I started the band and soon found a PR manager and he said the same. I mean I didn't tell him about you or anything but he generally spoke of girls and how I should attract them all. Just to test the waters I said what if I'm bi and he said nope. He'd not coach us in that case."

"What an ass."

"Truth be told, I don't think it's over. I don't even think it's a phase but… well, I also like girls and that's what I should go for according to Jefferson. He wants me to stay single and hook up with fans now and then. Female fans." Sam shrugged and took his beer bottle into his hands again, all the time while avoiding Blaine's eyes.

"But he can't dictate you who to love. That's up to you. What if you meet someone and want to be with them?" Blaine asked.

"That would have to be kept a secret then, I guess", Sam said.

"Oh." Blaine rubbed over his nose. Did he want to be a secret? Stupid question, he'd do anything if it meant he could be together with Sam again. Just was Sam offering it or had Blaine misunderstood?

"Did you… Do you have someone else now?" Sam asked. Blaine quickly shook his head.

"No one." He held Sam's eyes, told him he was still his. He still was pissed because of the way Sam had treated him, yes, but at the moment it was more important that they would come back together.

"And you really want to be friends again?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Blaine's heart was beating as fast as it could. 'Friends' was a code word for lovers, right?

"Do you want to do something tonight after our performance?"

* * *

><p>Blaine hadn't even had sex during the last year. Not with another person. Why would he. Now Sam's hands were all over his body and he moaned with relief, the biggest relief ever. He had needed this, he had waited for it, he wanted it. Sam, only Sam, no one else.<p>

"I can hear you even in the living room!" Marley knocked against the door.

"Sorry, Marley, right now is not a good time. Oh, Sam."

"Yeah, I figured", Marley mumbled and went away. Hopefully out of the apartment because Blaine still wanted to be able to look her in the eye in the morning.

Meanwhile Sam's mouth had moved downwards. He kissed every inch of Blaine's body, stroked it and caressed it.

"If you knew how much I missed you", he muttered.

"Certainly not more than I missed you. Oh God." Blaine bit his lip. Sam had reached a very sensitive area and he didn't think of slowing down the endearments.

After the performance of '_The City Boys'_ they had agreed that the best thing they could do was go home and catch up with each other's lives. Quickly enough, the catching up had ended in taking each other's clothes off. To be honest if it had gone any other way Blaine would've been disappointed.

Loud music started in the living room. Blaine briefly grinned about it before he groaned out Sam's name again, and not for the last time this night.


End file.
